Category Archives: Reviews

Tales from the Panda: “So Interesting” review

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Writing is hard. Writing prose is even harder. Anyone who says otherwise has never written a goddamn word in their fucking life.

Coalescing ideas into words to put on paper is not easy. First you have to find the right words, then you have to structure them so they make sense, then you have to double-check to make sure it sounds right, then you have to ensure the whole thing doesn’t contradict itself. It requires a special skill that takes years to develop. And it’s one I still haven’t mastered.

And writing fiction gets harder. Does the scene make sense? Does the tone match the events? Is it well paced? Is it well phrased? Are the characters consistent? Are the events consistent? And the whole thing can get quite overwhelming.

This is why most writers have editors.

So what does this have to do with the latest episode of Littlest Pet Shop? Absolutely nothing! What are you talking about? Penny really is from the land of faeries and goblins. Continue reading →

The Human Chameleon: “Commercial Success” review

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Littlest Pet Shop, as a show, has always been a bit lop-sided.

For all intents and purposes, it seems as if we only have one character on this show; Blythe Baxter. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Most shows feature one central character that we continuously follow, and it tends to work. My Little Pony did this for the entire first season, having Twilight Sparkle be a central figure in every episode. On occasion, when the episode featured a different character, her role would end up being a bit shoehorned in, but you didn’t really care since it still worked.

On Littlest Pet Shop, however, Blythe’s central role comes at the expense of proper characterization for everyone else.

Yes, the pets have gotten plenty of screen time, I’m not arguing that. We’ve had plenty of episodes about them, as one would expect. But even then, Blythe seems to overshadow all of them. Even the one episode that had plenty of reason to let her take a back seat (after all, she was out-of-town at the time), focused on her almost entirely. They could have opened the season with a single episode featuring the pets having a grand adventure without their human friend. Wouldn’t that have been nice? Instead, we got an episode focusing on how much they missed her, and how miserable they were without the main character.

Then we have the human characters. Last time I called Blythe’s friends the three stereotypes, and I wasn’t kidding. They’ve gotten nothing in the way of characterization, just enhancement of prior stereotypes, or in Sue’s case, establishment of her creepy-stalker side.

I’m still not sure what to make of that. And I even remember early episodes hinting at Youngmee’s love of exotic foods; but since then, it hasn’t really been utilized in any way, or even brought up.

Then there’s Jasper, an empty shell of blandness. I try to think of anything he’s done, any key moments, and all I can think of are his attempts to open Blythe’s locker during the première, him screaming ‘that sucks!’ in the season one finale, and the time he turned a photo of Sunil into a meme.

Not much to work with. But thankfully, I think this character is on the verge of a turnaround. Especially since last week, when we got an episode establishing him as being halfway interesting, when he turns into a douche.

This is gonna be fuuuuun! Continue reading →

Trading Scooters: “Blythe’s Big Idea” review

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You can’t let opportunities pass you by. I know it seems cliché, but it’s true. When a great opportunity comes, you can’t just say, ‘oh, I’m too busy, maybe next time.’ Because ‘next time’ may not happen! There may not be a next time!

You gotta grab life by the metaphorical balls, and not waste it. You don’t want the world to leave you behind. For instance, if you see a chance to do what you love on a large-scale, for money, why in the hell would you pass it up?

Maybe you don’t think you’re ready. Get ready!

Maybe you don’t have the money. Sell some shit!

Maybe you don’t have the time. Quit your day job!

Life doesn’t give you second chances. You were lucky enough to get the opportunity the first time, why in the hell would you throw that away!?

And that’s sums up a recent episode of Littlest Pet Shop, where Blythe refuses to let the International Pet Fashion Expo pass her by! Wait, how is that a thing!? Continue reading →

Disclaiming Disability: “Flight to the Finish” review

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I’ll be honest, my favourite characters on My Little Pony have to be the Cutie Mark Crusaders. The primary reason for this is their potential. Like every other member of the main cast, they are extremely well-developed as characters. But they’ve gotten so little screen time, that the directions they can be taken haven’t been fully utilized yet. So many potential stories here. Plus, they’re young, so they still have much to learn, and much to develop.

The same goes with Spike, one of my other favourite characters. But I’m not talking about him, today.

And the directions these characters have gone in already show great potential. We’ve explored the relationship Sweetie Belle has with her sister, we’ve explored Apple Bloom’s personal insecurities, we’ve also explored the tenacity and terrible priorities of these characters. But the one character that has gotten virtually no exposure, is Scootaloo. We’ve never met her family, and we’ve never seen her personal life away from the Crusaders. Which is probably why the fans have assumed she’s an orphan.

Last season, we got close. An episode devoted to Scootaloo’s relationship with Rainbow Dash, and her own insecurities. But it didn’t really go very far, and she ended up being overshadowed by Princess Dom Cobb there. So that was underwhelming.

And one thing they seem to avoid during the episode was the issue of Scootaloo’s wings. So far, the fact that Scootaloo can’t fly has become more of a running gag than anything.

Why haven’t they dealt with this yet? Why can’t Scootaloo fly? We know it’s not because of her age, because Rumble, who appeared to be around the same age as her, could fly. Would she ever be able to fly?

If not, it would be an interesting topic to address. Not only to deal with the how and why, but the emotional consequences of learning that the one thing that defines a pegasus, is the one thing she can’t do. It’s like being an Asian who sucks at math, or an Irish bloke who can’t hold his liquor, or another racist joke.

Thankfully it seem as if the writers were at least trying to deal with this in a recent episode. Too bad it was completely half-assed. Continue reading →

All Growl and No Teeth: “Alligators and Handbags” review

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There are a lot of jerks in the world. Which is something I’ve mentioned before.

Often times, determining why this is can be difficult. And sadly, during the past four months, it wasn’t covered in my Intro to Psychology class. There was never a week during which we did a psychological analysis on an asshole. Which makes me feel a bit disappointed.

The best explanation I can come up with utilizes Maslow’s Hierarchy of Motivation. It starts with basic physiological needs (water, food, sex); then moves onto the need for a safe environment; before social needs; then personal self-worth; and finally, ‘self-actualization,’ which basically means being Buddha or something.

Basically, these needs fuel a given individual’s actions, and are ranked according to priority. You need to have food and water, before you’ll start worrying about personal safety; and you need to have personal safety, before you concern yourself with human companionship.

And since being an asshole does not generally have a positive impact on one’s social life, the only possible reasoning I can think of to explain assholish behavior is out of physical necessity, or outright fear. Fear that they’ll lose, fear that they’ll get hurt, possibly even fear that people will find out how fearful they really are.

Not that this excuses them. They’re still jerks. But it does help you do one thing: combat them. With a bit of knowledge, it can be quite easy to take these asshats down a few pegs.

Which brings us to a recent episode of Littlest Pet Shop, featuring two different breeds of the same kind of asshole. The arrogant bully, and the scared bully. See if you can figure out which is which. Continue reading →

Lost In Floaty Void

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Several months back, on this website that I call a blog, but others may call a self-indulgent shit. I reviewed Antichamber, a game that’s best described as being akin to an M.C. Escher tribute done by a two-year old with a box of dollar store Crayola knock-offs.

It made heavy use of portals to mess with your sense of direction, which was interesting in its own right. But terrible graphics, bad puzzle design, and annoying and a deceptive level layout that disallowed backtracking, killed the game for me.

But one thing always bugged me about Antichamber. Could it be that I just don’t like these kinds of games? The arty, pretentious, first person walk-em-up? Could the only reason I hated the game be because I didn’t get to shoot anything with a gun the size of a car?

That wouldn’t be fair, would it? For me to critique something from a genre I hate. I mean you won’t see me reviewing the latest FIFA title, or some romantic comedy film, or another Tom Clancy novel. Fool me once, you prick.

Now, I could just say that I do like those kinds of games, as long as they’re done right. But even that’s hard to claim when I’ve never really played any game that can compare to Antichamber.

Q.U.B.E. quickly comes to mind. A game about gloves that can send commands to various objects in the world around you. But that game reminded me more of Portal, with its stark white environments, and relatively coherent narrative. It doesn’t really fit with the feel Antichamber tried to provoke.

So that’s a bad comparison. One would need to find a game that’s more surreal, more abstract, and more about the experience than anything else. Perhaps a game like Kairo. An abstract, and surreal odyssey that did what Antichamber failed to do: Be good. Continue reading →

Human Stagnation

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One of my favourite games of all time is Deus Ex. Ostensibly a first-person shooter, it featured RPG and stealth elements, as well as a multifaceted level design, allowing you to choose your own path and play-style.

You can bust through the front door of the enemy stronghold, painting the walls with their entrails; or you can slip in through the back door, hiding from the patrolling guards and running past while their backs are turned; or you can find a security panel, hack into it, and reprogram their own security measures to attack them; or you can find an air vent, and crawl through without anyone noticing; or you can come up with a different strategy I haven’t even thought of.

It was a unique approach to game design. Because up until then, most games were designed very linearly. You had one path, and one goal, and your only option was choosing which overpowered superweapon you were gonna use to take the enemy’s head off.

But Deus Ex was completely different. In fact, you could go through the entire game with only a single kill, and that one kill you could perform three different ways. Either you could kill them at the very first opportunity, with very little resistance; or you could wait until later in the game, where you can either find the secret kill phrase, or just shoot them with your gun.

There are even several forking paths in the game, where your actions determine whether any of your allies die. Which I think is a nice little touch. Three characters that come to mind are saved by staying and fighting an attacking enemy (in a supposed-to-lose fight), finding and interrogating a generic NPC revealed to be a saboteur, and successfully completing a stealth-based side-mission.

Then there was the plot itself. Loaded to the brim with intrigue and suspense. You start the game by working for the law-enforcement arm of the United Nations, before switching sides, and fighting the multi-national conspiracy that you were an unknowing part of. And while it’s basically the wet-dream of a paranoid schizophrenic, it’s still a story I love, primarily because of how interesting it is. They frame it in a way that can kinda make sense, and it makes you wonder just how deep down the rabbit hole one can go.

Of course, it’s entirely fictional, and anyone who says otherwise is an idiot.

But yes, I love Deus Ex. I love the gameplay, I love the story, I love every little thing about it. What I don’t love is what came after. Because such a great game deserves a great follow-up. And that never happened.

The first thing to note about the Deus Ex follow-ups is that the first game had three different endings, each changing the world in drastically different ways. So writing a sequel to that would be insane, since none of those three endings were inherently better than any other. None of them could be defined as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ or ‘proper.’ And I’m not even mentioning those characters who may or may not have died. A sequel would have to nail down precisely what happened, or dance around any of the branching plot points. The latter would be annoying, and the former would be offensive to anyone who played the first game, and didn’t follow those plot points.

Now, I never played Invisible War, the sequel to Deus Ex. Partially because of the problems I mentioned earlier, but also because the general consensus of that game is that it’s shit. So why bother?

But I did play the Deus Ex prequel, Human Revolution. And all I have to say is, if this is considered the better follow-up, that can only mean Invisible War shoots hot lead into your eyes. Because Human Revolution sucks!! Continue reading →

Lost in Reality: “A Day at the Museum” review

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Alright, this blog is getting heavy. For the past month I’ve talked about pointless superstitions, fraudulent con artists, illogical plot development, racism, spoiler-culture, and IP theft, while doing nothing more than writing about my favourite cartoon shows.

I find that a bit bizarre. These shows are directed toward children. Can’t we just have one light-hearted episode that was just a pointless adventure where the characters get lost in a museum or something?

… So, this week, on Littlest Pet Shop, that happens… Continue reading →