Patience is a Cutie Mark

Ah, youth! Always trying to act older than they are. I remember doing that when I was young. It might be part of the reason I hate coffee…don’t ask.

Of course this leads to some kids biting off more than they could chew. Know any teenage parents out there? It’s called condoms people!!! How about someones my-parents-are-out-of-town party? Alcohol, weed and vomiting are the order of the day at those things. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but please people, learn to pace yourselves.

So this week on My Little Pony, Apple Bloom learns you shouldn’t try to rush growing up! Or, at least, she learns she shouldn’t take a magic potion for that purpose. I believe there was an episode of Star Trek of a similar nature.

It opens with the Cutie Mark Crusaders trying their hooves at bowling. With two major revelations: Ponyville has a Bowling Alley, and it contains at two, maybe three, characters from the Big Lebowski! I so gotta see that movie. After all, Kevin Flynn’s in it!

Long story short: the Crusaders suck at bowling, like they suck at everything. Then again they’re young, so they’re allowed to suck at everything. Though the events at the alley do inspire Scootaloo to try her hand at demolition. …Yep! She’s that bad!

Anyway, Apple Bloom doesn’t take it well. Obviously she expected more than she got, she expected to be good at bowling and get a cutie mark out of it. After all, that’s how you get a cutie mark. By discovering your special talent, what you’re good at. So when that doesn’t happen, she starts sulking. As her friends try to cheer her up and reveal they aren’t getting a cutie mark in that either, Apple Bloom decides to wander off into the Everfree forest! Holy crap! So Scoots and Sweetie decide to abandon her there. Revealing they aren’t getting a cutie mark in friendship either. Seriously, she’s walking into the most dangerous part of region. Don’t you think you should back her up?

Anyway, Apple Bloom meets up with Zecora, the neighbourhood Zebra, who reveals a potion that she’s brewing to help a rooster crow again. One of the ingredients, Apple Bloom realizes, could help her get her cutie mark. So she swipes it. Cheeky.

The next day Bloomy reveals her new Cutie Mark, in what is essentially hula-hooping. Okay, let’s be honest here: if screwing around with a loop was her special talent, no matter how awesome she was at it. It would be pretty lame. Other than entertaining people, there’s not much she can do with it, and even her performances would get old pretty quickly.

On that note, the first two to point this out are Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, who’s cutie marks are that of a diamond tiara and a silver spoon, respectively. By the way, last week, I said it would be unlikely for a pony named Lyra to have a cutie mark of a lyre. Yeah I take that back, it turns out it’s freakishly common in Equestria. Though it shouldn’t be.

Anyway, these two, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, end up ridiculing Apple Bloom’s cutie mark for the same reasons I did. When, out of everyone, they should be the two ponies who should shut the hell up! Given their cutie marks, what exactly is their special talent? Best I can figure, their talents are: being born rich, and being a drain on society…respectively. They have no right to ridicule somepony else’s cutie mark.

There’s another revelation in this episode, Scootaloo can fly! For the first time she took to the air on-screen. For only a few seconds, but if you ask me it’s pretty notable. I mean all pegasi can fly, and Scoots is no exception. But she’s never actually used her wings on-screen before. Actually, scratch that, she never used her wings to fly on-screen before. She’s used them to propel her scooter, but she’s never used them to take to the air. I was beginning to think she couldn’t fly, possibly because she was part earth pony or something.

Anyway, one thing leads to another, and as Apple Bloom is demonstrating her new talent, another cutie mark appears on her flank. This one of two plates spinning. Again, pretty lame. But after some people comment on how unusual it is, having two cutie marks, they just realize, there’s a first for everything, and move on. But something odd begins to happen, she starts spinning plates, and she doesn’t stop. No one’s really concerned because they just assume she doesn’t want to stop, I think, they don’t really mention it. Then she gains a third cutie mark for clogging and that’s when Applejack realizes, she can’t stop, when she starts continually clogging and cries for help.

Of course at this moment, Applejack reveals why she’s different from Twilight, when someone she loves is in trouble, and begs her to “make it stop,” she actually does something about it. Seriously, I’m still pissed at Twilight for that. So Applejack brings her sister to Twilight and she finds a record of this happening before, plaguing a city. It’s called: Cutie Pox (TITLE REFERENCE!). Then, in true dramatic style, Twilight reveals there is no known cure. Of course it’s not that dramatic because it turns out it goes away on its own. Thankfully, because it seems something like this would be fatal over time, as people die of exhaustion, from having to perform all these talents, continuously, day and night, non-stop, holy shit.

Then Apple Bloom starts speaking french. That’s certainly new, first time someone’s spoken anything other than English, I wonder what she was saying. Then she start’s getting useful talents, like carving, and chimney sweeping (though what kind of skill you need for that, I have no idea). Then comes: accordion playing, lion taming, chess, fencing, tightrope walking, hang-gliding, and advanced mathematics which is the coolest talent of all! She’s doing all this while balancing two plates on sticks on her head while spinning a metal hoop with her tail. Yeah, this is going to kill her.

Spike scares everyone off by trying to alleviate their fears with the truth, and Zecora arrives saying she thought she took care of this problem last time. You know, ponies being irrationally afraid of her. Of course Twilight and Applejack don’t really explain why the townsfolk are hiding in their homes because they’re assholes.

Then Zecora tries to get Bloomy to confess to stealing the herbs I mentioned earlier, as she is lifting a bar bell with her tail while washing windows. Zecora offers a cure which needs to be planted, but mentions the seeds will only sprout if someone speaks the truth, specifically Apple Bloom. So Pinkie Pie confesses to stealing cakes! Always knew that bitch was a thief.

Apple Bloom confesses, gets the cure, and all is right with the world. Then Zecora disappears, turns out she’s Batman!

Of course the episode ends with Apple Bloom explaining what she learned, that patience is a virtue, and then she promptly forgets this five seconds later, as these three always manage to do. Then Scoots declares that they should try for potion-making cutie marks. This can’t end well.

So, that’s the end of that episode. Not bad, but not great either. Seems like this season is starting to balance out. But before I close, there’s a few more highlights I’d be remiss to mention, for instance: Twilight’s hair. There’s a point in this episode where Twilight’s hair is rapidly stylized by Apple Bloom into Rarity’s hairstyle, or at least the top half is. Then Spike get’s all dreamy-eyed looking at his…um…I’m going to say mommy, because she looks like Rarity. Bit freaky. Rarity seemed to like Twilight’s new look, but Twilight didn’t, so it didn’t stick.

Next: I find it hilarious that Apple Bloom was able to use her hoop to nearly destroy the cloud Rainbow Dash was sleeping on without waking her. That girl could sleep through a nuclear explosion. It’s insane. Though I must ask: how can a pony who’s supposedly an athlete, be so friggen lazy? She’s an enigma.

Next: apparently there is a pony illness called the trots, as mentioned by Twilight. There’s nothing funny about that, I’m just surprised that was mentioned on what is essentially a kids’ show. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, I envy you.

Next: Applejack asked Zecora if her “Zebra-sense (was) tingling.” Obvious Spider-Pony reference, though I’m not sure if that’s hilarious, or racist.

Finally: this episode failed to include a big musical number!!! So far this season there has been no singing, and that is just unacceptable on this show! Last season we had four songs by the sixth episode! This time, we have nothing! What’s going on!? Not even small songs sung by Pinkie in celebration of the cupcake she’s about to eat! Next episode better have a big musical number or I’ll be pissed!

Speaking of which, next week: Rainbow get’s a pet. If Scootaloo doesn’t make an appearance, I’ll be sorely disappointed, and oddly enough, Rainbow’s one of the few characters who hasn’t starred in their very own full-on musical number. So, I reiterate my earlier point. Though I’d like to make a prediction: This episode will be about envy, and how Rainbow Dash should stop being envious of her friend’s pets. Then she’ll write a letter to Princess Celestia explaining that, as you do.

You know the more I think about it, this season’s episodes seem to be written with the bronies in mind. We have appearances by all our favourite ponies scattered throughout most episodes. The Crusaders have been in two-thirds of the season so far, and Big Macintosh has been in as many episodes so far, as he was in all of last season. Basically: the world is rounding out a bit, becoming more balanced. The episodes feel a bit fuller, as if more is going on. Though that could just be because of the character thing I mentioned earlier. More people you have in a scene, the bigger it feels. I for one appreciate it. Though I hope it’s not just fan-service, I hate that.

So that’s all, see you next week!

…Wait a minute, what exactly would a cutie mark for advanced mathematics look like?


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