Let’s Talk About Sex, Pony

Well, it’s finally happening. A major motion picture is being released as part of the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic franchise.

To be honest, I’m a bit excited. I remember watching the time travel episode back in season two, when Tartarus was revealed to exist, and I thought that such a concept would be excellent fodder for an epic movie.

I mean, that’s why you make a film, right? To tell a story worthy of the format. One sufficiently epic and amazing that it could only be told in a two-hour movie.

Much like The Simpsons Movie, which told the story of how Springfield was nearly destroyed by an overzealous bureaucrat.

So the My Little Pony film will have a similar nature, right? … Right?

Well, it’s hard to say at this point. But I’m doubtful. For the plot appears to be about Twilight travelling to another universe, being transformed into a human, and meeting duplicates of all her friends, ala Sliders.

Yes, it’s the famed Equestria Girls spin-off we heard so much about. Turns out initial rumours were true. That it wouldn’t be a TV series, but a film.

I’m honestly a bit disappointed. I’d thought we’d get a bit more out of this idea, instead of just a short two-hour film… okay, scratch that, it’s actually one hour, which means the tickets should only be about five bucks, but instead are probably gonna cost twenty because the world sucks.

Regardless, the reaction has been interesting, and mostly negative. For instance, some have commented on the fact that, for the first time, the various fan groups will be congregating in one theatre. The primary demographic of eight-year-old girls, the bronies, and the furries.

Now, this isn’t necessarily terrible. As long as the bronies act with some semblance of dignity, we should be fine.

Besides, it was bound to happen eventually. I’m pretty sure some eight-year-old girls already attend the various brony conventions that pop up around the planet. So this isn’t new.

And as for the furries, those who are sexually attracted to animals. Well… it’s not like this film would make things worse. I mean, what’s changed? Very little, except for the fact that the characters are in high school, as humans… wearing miniskirts…

Oh… fuck!

Is this what it has come to? Is it really necessary to sexualize these characters? I hope I’m just reaching here, in fact I’m pretty sure I am. But it is a bit odd that the entire cast is wearing miniskirts.

That being said, it does speak to an unfortunate elephant that has been in this community since it’s began: Sex! Continue reading

Rejected with Love

Allow me to tell you a story. After my recent hand injury, and subsequent surgery, which I still haven’t fully recovered from, I decided to try to submit my latest work of fiction, With Rainbow Hair, which only had two chapters at the time, to the world-famous brony blog, Equestria Daily.

Why? Well, because it’s the first story I’ve written with no romantic plot or sub-plot. And they have some rule against what they call ‘foalshipping.’ I’m pretty sure that means romance involving the younger members of the cast. Yes, all my other stories do contain romance involving at least one the famous Cutie Mark Crusaders. Why? Because it seems more interesting that way. In A Waking Dragon it’s a minor sub-plot, but it’s there.

I did submit My Little Destiny back in the day. But I never got a response, and since I learned of that rule, I never bothered submitting again, given future plot points.

Now, some may think this restriction on Equestria Daily, the banning of ‘foalshipping’ material on their site, constitutes censorship. I’ve seen quite a few people make this accusation. But I call bullshit!

It is a bit unfair that the most popular site, and pseudo central hub for all things brony, would make random and pointless restrictions on their content. After all, whether the romance involves Rarity or Sweetie Belle, what difference does it make from a moral perspective? But at the end of the day, it’s their site, and they can do what they want. They’re a private business, not a publicly owned institution.

That’s not to say we can’t criticize such action, we can. But calling it ‘censorship’ is just insane. After all, they don’t publish the material. They don’t host anything. In fact all they do is promote fan fiction. It has to be hosted on other sites, like FiMFiction, or the Pony Fiction Archive. If someone really wants to read ‘foalshipping’ material, they can go to those sites, or any other.

It’s the free market at work people!

But anyway, With Rainbow Hair doesn’t feature any shipping. Not even a little. So, that fact, combined with my incredible writing skills, made me think I was a shoe-in to get promoted on Equestria Daily. I’d get so much traffic, I’d be able to bathe in it. Maybe even some critical responses that would get me to think about certain plot-points. And more fans, motivating me to keep on writing!

How great would that have been!? Well It would have been fantastic. If only I actually got accepted.

No, they actually turned me down, and it made me angry. Not at Equestria Daily. They have a standard they want to keep and I salute them for it. No, the people I’m angry at are all the people who lied to me. Continue reading

Royal Pains: “Magical Mystery Cure” preview

I am a skeptic in every sense of the word. Not just in the traditional sense, scientific skepticism, but in the sense of simply not trusting people at their word, no matter what the context.

Of course that kind of worldview is not easy to maintain. After all, it takes a lot of work to fact check every word said by every politician and public figure. So often, you might not have a choice. You might not have time to run detailed research into, for example, the Bengazi incident, when several american diplomats were killed. You might not have time to look into the death of Aaron Swartz, and find out if the Justice Department pushed him to suicide. So it’s easier to take people at their word.

But sometimes, finding the truth is not that hard. All it requires is two minutes of thinking to get to something close to the truth.

For instance, take the statements made by Todd “Legitimate Rape” Akin, just last year. Anyone with half a brain knows what he was saying makes absolutely no sense. How could the human body identify the type of situation it finds itself in? And even if it could, why would the human race evolve a method to stop the passing on of our genes? It would be a good thing for the woman, but not humanity at large, and that’s what evolution prefers to benefit.

Then we have another issue: Women in the military. Specifically, front-line combat positions. The counter argument to this is that it damages unit cohesion, or that woman cannot possibly carry their comrades off the battlefield like men can. Think about this for ten seconds and you’ll see how ridiculous this is. First of all, damages unit cohesion? That men and women cannot get along and be just friends? At some point they’re going to have sex? That’s asinine. I’ll tell you this much, some of my best friends have vaginas, and I never banged any of them. It never seemed needed. And as for physical strength, I can tell you from personal experience that’s bullshit. My prom date back in high school was a giant. She would have no problem carrying her comrades off the battlefield, let me tell you.

See, with a bit of thinking, you can arrive at the truth pretty quickly. And it’s this technique that got me to an unsettling realization when the latest news on My Little Pony dropped earlier this week.

Um... what!?

You see, it appears that in this season’s final episode Twilight Sparkle will grow wings get coronated as a Princess. And it didn’t take me long to realize that this could be very… very… very racist. Continue reading

My Little Fanservice: My Little Pony season 3 preview

I’ve said it a million times, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is my favourite TV show that hasn’t been cancelled yet. It’s cute, funny, compelling, and has a stellar cast of characters.

The second season closed just a few months ago, and the community hasn’t responded by dying down. Every day, more fan art and fan fiction is posted to Equestria Daily as we all wait in anticipation for season three. I know I’m looking forward to it. This is a show that’s never failed to impress. With 52 episodes and counting, this show has always remained in top form for its entire run, and it’s all credit to the amazing cast and crew. The voice actors, animators, storyboard artists (including Raven M. Molisee, who I accidentally insulted once), and writers are all hard-working and passionate, and responsible for the high quality content we’ve come to expect out of My Little Pony, and I thank all of them for it. I have no doubt it’ll only get better from this moment forward…right? …right!?

Well…no. It seems what we’re likely going to get instead, is the writers jerking off the fans until they come white hot nerd. Allow me to explain: Continue reading

Derpy Shot First!: The Derpy retcon and “Putting Your Hoof Down” review

Okay, okay, okay. It turns out I’m prone to making mistakes. A month ago, I wrote about the Derpy controversy on My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, where Ponyville’s resident lazy-eyed pegasus, appeared to be getting retconned out of existence. In the end I determined that despite the fears of the fans, there probably wasn’t much to worry about.

Turns out I might have been wrong on that. Continue reading

Friendship is Canon: The white Celestia doll and “A Friend in Deed” review

Last week, I mentioned how perplexing it was that Hasbro hasn’t released a White Celestia. A toy that has been requested by every member of the fan community since day one. I figured it was the same reason they haven’t released a DVD box set: A crippling fear of money and success. Turns out I’m wrong. You see, a few hours after I posted that, the news hit the community: They are releasing a white Celestia!

The background gang's all here!

WOOHOO!!! I’m excited! Not just for the Celestia, but for the rest of the gang: A glow-in-the-dark Zecora; DJ Pon-3; and Nightmare Moon, which I thought was a completely unique mould, until I noticed a Celestia that they probably based it off of. There’s also everyone favourite bitch: the Great and Powerful Trixie, and my personal favourite: Heartstrings…or Lyra, if you prefer. Continue reading

Love is a Poison

One of the biggest activities among major fan communities is “shipping.” That is, the pairing of two characters in a relationship. I remember back in the day, my first exposure to this was through Harry Potter. I loved the idea of Harry getting together with Hermione. It only made sense to me. So much so that I got pissed and stopped reading halfway through book six, because the idea of Hermione ending up with Ron sickened me.

Perhaps I got stuck in my own dogma. I’m just bothered by the fact that the supposed ‘smart girl’ ended up with the most incompetent character in the book. Seriously, what does Ron have going for him? He’s good at chess!? That’s hardly a practical skill.

Um…where was I? Oh, yes, shipping. Every fan community does it, to a certain extent, and of course the fans of My Little Pony are no different. Except for the fact that the show has a majority female cast, therefore most of the “shipping” is of a homosexual nature. Nothing wrong with that. Unless you’re a knee jerk religious fundamentalist, in which case, this kid had the right idea: Continue reading

Derp it and Weep

Before I talk about this week’s episode, I think I should write about the latest controversy in the My Little Pony community, because those are always fun. Actually, I wouldn’t call it controversy, but it is an issue, and I can’t help but feel a bit responsible.

You see, two weeks ago, I wrote about the recent characterization of Derpy the Pony. As a clumsy idiot with Down Syndrome. Turns out I might need to take that back. Continue reading