Tag Archives: Reviews

Equestria Rising: “Equestria Girls” review

Posted by BlackWidower on

It’s been hard to remain excited about My Little Pony.

Since the third season wrapped up, which was over six months ago by the way, I haven’t really had much enthusiasm about the franchise. That last season made me think of a dying whale, screaming out its final cries as it struggled to stay alive, while being sucked down into the whirlpool of irrelevance.

Not that I’m happy about it, far from it. Seeing my favourite show go down the drain does not give me pleasure, in any way. It makes me sad. It makes me depressed. It makes me cling to the pun-laden cringe-inducing SheZow; and the highly superior, but less exciting, Littlest Pet Shop.

I love the show, and I hate to see it fall apart. But this was bound to happen. Eventually, all programs, with the possible exception of Seinfeld, run out of ideas. The writing staff starts to come up dry, and have to resort to reading off the list of ideas they previously thought were too shit to bother writing.

And that’s exactly how season three felt, even though it was only thirteen episodes long. It actually felt more like they were taking cues from fan fiction. Even the final episode felt like a shitty fan story, rather than a well-thought-out, professionally made script.

It’s the same complaint I levelled at one of the final Animorphs books, back in the day. I was a huge fan of that series, but the way they saved Marco’s mother felt so contrived, and so forced, it actually made me sick. I don’t know what else to say about it. And don’t get me started on the actual ending.

But I digress. Now thankfully, during season three, there were a few episodes I liked. Wonderbolts Academy was pretty good, despite Spitfire’s apparent recharacterization. And Magic Duel, and Just for Sidekicks rank among my favourite episodes of all time, even if Peewee went walkabout.

But sadly, I found the rest of the season to be lacking, and Magical Mystery Cure was the first episode that I actually hated. Which is a tall order, you have to admit.

So it should come as no surprise to anyone that, when I first heard of Equestria Girls, I was a bit skeptical. I didn’t want to be. I wanted to be ready to jump in with both feet, excited for the latest release; their theatrical debut. But I wasn’t. Instead, I was scared. I was afraid it would be exactly as terrible as I expected, and make me give up my bronydom, and all that comes with it.

Sad Fluttershy

I’m so glad to be proven wrong. Continue reading →

Our Awesome Avengers

Posted by BlackWidower on

Sometimes, you have to know what you’re doing. Where you’re going. What your purpose is.

I never quite understood this until recently.

A matter of days ago, while writing the next chapter of Sibling Rivalry, I came to a startling realization: Knowing what I know now, I could have structured the story a lot better by rewriting everything after chapter three, delaying the actual romance between Spike and Sweetie Belle, and have his affection for her form a bit more gradually as a consequence of their budding friendship, as he teaches her magic. It would allow the story to focus on the romance, rather than the bullshit deception.

So I’m an idiot. I think I might go back and rewrite the whole story with that in mind. Or I could just say ‘fuck it’ and move on at this stage.

I don’t know.

I think the problem is, I didn’t think the story through well enough. I didn’t think it through deeply enough. I should’ve seen the plot holes before they came. But it really goes to show just how important preparation is. How important it is to plan a story out well in advance. As a writer, you might find it frustrating, not getting to the good bits. But overall, it’ll mean the story you write will be better, and much more coherent.

Which might be the reason Marvel made it work. They thought it through, and planned it all out from day one. They didn’t just make one film left open for sequels. They designed the whole thing to fit together as one giant franchise.

I am of course referring to the epic and sublime Avengers film franchise. Five films: Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, Iron Man 2, Thor, and Captain America: the First Avenger. All tying together and referencing each other, with the purpose of reaching the ultimate crescendo, with film six, The Avengers.

The Avengers

By the way, in case you couldn’t tell, I love this film. Continue reading →

Magic and Nazis and Gods, wait-what!?

Posted by BlackWidower on

The Marvel Universe is weird.

We have advanced technology, genetic engineering, genetic mutations, magic, cosmic beings, supernatural phenomena, gods, parallel universes, aliens, and Samuel L. Jackson, all coexisting in the same world. It doesn’t make sense.

With the exception of Samuel L. Jackson, none of these things exist here, in reality, so it can really strain credulity to have them all coexist in the same world.

Yet somehow, it works. Somehow, all these things can come together. And somehow, it makes sense.

Advanced technology can coexist, and even work with, magic. It can be used to spur genetic mutations, and travel to parallel universes. It can even make Samuel L. Jackson more of a badass!

But how? With interesting and relatable characters, compelling plotlines, and a consistently goofy tone, we can overlook the tiny contrivances and inconsistencies, because overall, it makes a better story.

Which brings us to the second half of the Avengers franchise, or as I call it: clusterfuck heaven. Continue reading →

Artychamber

Posted by BlackWidower on

A few tips for game designers:

Number one: Make your game fun.

I know this may seem obvious, but some developers seem to disregard it, thinking ‘fun’ is beneath them, or that it will distract from the shiny lights. Case in point, TRON: Evolution.

Number two: Make your game interesting.

I find it odd that so many military shooters have come out over the past few years. You’d think that cow would be out of milk by now. But no, people keep selling them, and more people keep buying them, and I just don’t understand it. Oh, look, guns and explosions. How exciting…

Number three: Try not to annoy your player.

Going back to TRON: Evolution again, forcing me to watch the same annoying cut scene over and over without the option to skip it is a recipe for broken monitors.

And number four: If you’re making a puzzle game, try not to make the puzzles breakable.

Not to say a puzzle can’t have multiple solutions, in fact, it should be applauded. But when one of the solutions is as simple as a button press, you know you broke it.

Which brings me to a game I bought nary a week and a half ago, called Antichamber. And it didn’t take me long to realize just how drastically I wasted that seven bucks.

WTF!? Continue reading →

SheRow

Posted by BlackWidower on

Here’s some advice to partisan pundits and political nut jobs of all stripes:

Stop!!!

Just fucking stop, please!

It’s incredible. I find it incredible, that everything is now politicised at the drop of a motherfucking hat.

There is a trial in Florida now, that’s currently ongoing. You might know which one I’m talking about: The George Zimmerman case.

Here are the facts: Neighbourhood Watch volunteer, George Zimmerman, spotted Trayvon Martin walking… somewhere. He called the police, started following the kid, and eventually shot him.

That’s all we know, and that leaves a lot of gaps.

It’s possible Martin triggered an altercation that forced Zimmerman to shoot the kid in self-defence. It’s also possible Zimmerman’s a cold-blooded killer. I don’t know.

No one knows. Two people know, and unfortunately, one of them’s dead. And now Zimmerman is on trial, trying to prove he acted in self-defense.

But this happens. Sometimes people are killed, and the assailant is tried for murder. It happens all the time. Yet for some reason, this story became national news, and the others did not. Why? Because Trayvon Martin was black.

Yes, because the victim had higher-than-average melanin levels, this somehow became national news! People across the U.S. are accusing the man of racism!

And it might be true. But I don’t care. Because whether or not it is, it doesn’t prove anything. Whatever result the jury gives back will only mean something to Zimmerman, and Trayvon Martin’s friends and family.

However, according to the news media, this is a battle between Law and Order, and Civil Rights. Yeah, it’s not, it’s just some shitty reality TV show.

You see, there’s this knee jerk reaction to try to find the political angle in every event. And it gets really disgusting when people try to politicize something as innocent as children’s media.

Recently, a new cartoon show entered the television landscape. It’s about a superhero, in a dress, named SheZow!

SheZow is the hero all little girls want to be! Powerful, beautiful, and with charm to spare!

Now one could argue that SheZow is not exactly the best role-model for girls. After all, SheZow’s powers are derived from the colour pink, and the silkiness of her hair; plus all of SheZow’s ‘gadgets’ are weapons and tools disguised as cosmetics of all things, ala James Bond.

A walking stereotype is probably not the type of role model you want to show to an impressionable young woman. But that’s not the source of the major sociopolitical upheaval we’re dealing with here.

No, the big issue here is that SheZow is actually a guy. SheZow is television’s first transgendered superhero. About fucking time! Continue reading →

Star Trek Redundancy

Posted by BlackWidower on

Star Trek, as a franchise, has a rich and varied history.

It’s a franchise all about the bright future humanity has waiting for it, all thanks to technology and scientific development.

The future is a world of peace. A world without poverty. It’s a world we all want to live in.

I find it odd that so many people think the future is dismal and dreary. Best guess: it’s pure selfishness. The truth is, now is the best time to be alive. A century, or even a decade ago, life sucked in comparison.

In 2003 we didn’t have DVRs, or Wi-Fi. The internet was still in its infancy, and medical technology was… well… we’ve made advancements. Okay, no cure for cancer, but there is the HPV vaccine, to start.

So given all that, many people hope the world would end tomorrow, so this time isn’t just the greatest time to be alive in comparison to all that came before it, but all that came after it. They don’t want to think that life gets better, because then they’ll just be jealous of the future.

I’m honestly jealous of the future. It saddens me to think martian colonies will not be established in my lifetime. My children will probably be long dead well before that happens.

But regardless, the future is waiting for us, and life will only get better. So let’s keep pushing that.

The second Star Trek series, The Next Generation, pushed the franchise from the 23rd into the 24th century. Which was a brilliant move, since we got to see how things get even better as time marches on.

Enterprise, the fifth entry in the franchise, was a prequel series set in the 22nd century, and is often considered Star Trek’s biggest misstep.

I don’t know if I can agree, I kinda like Enterprise. But I understand why some may not. It pulled the series back, when it probably would’ve been better to move forward.

I mentioned last time, that there were proposals to continue the franchise into the 26th, and 31st centuries. Both would have been fantastic. I would have loved to see either of those series in the light of day. It would have been the right move. Pushing the series’ history further and further into the future.

Sadly, they didn’t do that. Because the powers that be decided to do something completely different, and completely stupid. After Enterprise, the only follow-up we got brought us back into the 23rd century, a century we already covered. Following a crew we already know, the one from the original series.

And I honestly think it was a bad idea.

But ideas don’t matter, only execution. Something I’ve learned over the years. So I think it’s time I gave this film a fair shake.

Let’s talk about Star Trek… wait… I mean… I think I should start talking about Star Trek- no that still doesn’t work.

…

Okay, there’s a film, called Star Trek, and it’s a recent entry in the franchise called Star Trek. I’m referring to the specific film, not the franchise as a whole, when I say I want to talk about Star Trek… the film… made in 2009…

I hate my life. Continue reading →

To Boldly Go…

Posted by BlackWidower on

According to ancient myth, Star Trek films have a pattern. All the even-numbered releases are ‘good,’ and all the odd-numbered releases are ‘bad.’ Strange isn’t it?

Any rational mind would question such a state. Why would the quality jump around from film to film in a predictable pattern?

Well, there is such a thing as a self-fulfilling prophecy. When Jonathan Frakes was tasked with directing the ninth film, Insurrection, he mentioned the pattern, and said he’s happy to direct the film despite the fact that it is going to suck.

I’m willing to bet he half-assed the work because of this.

But does it hold up? Well, with the Next Generation films… kinda. First Contact was one of the best films I’ve ever seen, and Nemesis was a fun little romp.

Insurrection, I honestly liked when I first saw it, and when I first reviewed it. Though more recently I heard arguments against the film’s moral message, so now I kinda have to agree with the bad guys in that film. However, that being said, it was well executed, and generally, that’s all that matters.

Generations was shit. The only good part was Data’s emotion chip.

So for the most part, those four films maintained the pattern. But how did this all start? How did this pattern come to be? Well… I have no fucking clue. Because for the first six films, starring the cast of the original series. The pattern is non-existent… at least, in my view. Continue reading →

Parkour.dll

Posted by BlackWidower on

So TRON was a film about the experiences of a man converted into digital data. It was a surreal fever dream that was fantastic and beautiful.

TRON 2.0 expanded the universe as far as it could when a new character found himself digitized the same way. Similarly themed, it gave the player the opportunity to explore a much larger world than was seen in the original film.

Then, TRON: Legacy rebooted the franchise, transforming it into a Flash Gordon knock-off with all sign of digitality stripped away. But it had enough charm, and added enough new quirks to the mythology to make up for it.

This new mythology has a lot of potential, despite the potential it could have had, if they stuck with the mythology established in TRON 2.0.

Regardless, it’s a story, and a moderately interesting one at that. Kevin Flynn creates a world to experiment with… stuff… in an accelerated digital environment. He made a major discovery, digital lifeforms with free will called ISOs. Then it all turned on him when his own creation wiped out his greatest discovery, and held him captive for a thousand cycles/years.

Oh, by the way, spoilers.

It had a lot of potential and it raised a lot of questions. For instance, when Kevin realized Clu didn’t like the ISOs, why didn’t he decide to reprogram his system administrator to ignore the ‘perfection’ goal, so he’d stop acting like the motherfucking Borg!?

As far as I know, that question was never answered. In fact, very few questions were answered when the opportunity presented itself. When the story of Clu’s coup, and subsequent campaign of genocide against the ISOs was told, in the TRON: Legacy tie-in game, TRON: Evolution. And man, does it suck. Continue reading →