Here’s some advice to partisan pundits and political nut jobs of all stripes:


Just fucking stop, please!

It’s incredible. I find it incredible, that everything is now politicised at the drop of a motherfucking hat.

There is a trial in Florida now, that’s currently ongoing. You might know which one I’m talking about: The George Zimmerman case.

Here are the facts: Neighbourhood Watch volunteer, George Zimmerman, spotted Trayvon Martin walking… somewhere. He called the police, started following the kid, and eventually shot him.

That’s all we know, and that leaves a lot of gaps.

It’s possible Martin triggered an altercation that forced Zimmerman to shoot the kid in self-defence. It’s also possible Zimmerman’s a cold-blooded killer. I don’t know.

No one knows. Two people know, and unfortunately, one of them’s dead. And now Zimmerman is on trial, trying to prove he acted in self-defense.

But this happens. Sometimes people are killed, and the assailant is tried for murder. It happens all the time. Yet for some reason, this story became national news, and the others did not. Why? Because Trayvon Martin was black.

Yes, because the victim had higher-than-average melanin levels, this somehow became national news! People across the U.S. are accusing the man of racism!

And it might be true. But I don’t care. Because whether or not it is, it doesn’t prove anything. Whatever result the jury gives back will only mean something to Zimmerman, and Trayvon Martin’s friends and family.

However, according to the news media, this is a battle between Law and Order, and Civil Rights. Yeah, it’s not, it’s just some shitty reality TV show.

You see, there’s this knee jerk reaction to try to find the political angle in every event. And it gets really disgusting when people try to politicize something as innocent as children’s media.

Recently, a new cartoon show entered the television landscape. It’s about a superhero, in a dress, named SheZow!

SheZow is the hero all little girls want to be! Powerful, beautiful, and with charm to spare!

Now one could argue that SheZow is not exactly the best role-model for girls. After all, SheZow’s powers are derived from the colour pink, and the silkiness of her hair; plus all of SheZow’s ‘gadgets’ are weapons and tools disguised as cosmetics of all things, ala James Bond.

A walking stereotype is probably not the type of role model you want to show to an impressionable young woman. But that’s not the source of the major sociopolitical upheaval we’re dealing with here.

No, the big issue here is that SheZow is actually a guy. SheZow is television’s first transgendered superhero. About fucking time!

When I first heard this, it was one of those ‘you had me at hello’ moments. Everyone already knows how a feel regarding transgendered rights. They are an underrepresented demographic. In fact, they’re not represented at all.

There was one case where a transgendered woman was a major character on a minor Canadian prime-time soap opera called Train 48. The entire show took place on a commuter train.

Here’s the story: one character set another character up on a date with this transgendered woman… as a prank. Oddly enough, the ‘victim’ of the prank ends up falling for her. But then he starts getting ostracised for it.

So it went from negative representation, to neutral/slightly positive representation, and back to a negative representation again.

That kinda pisses me off. She wasn’t really a character, but a walking (actually sitting, since it was on a moving vehicle) joke. There was nothing else to her character, much like April from that one episode of The IT Crowd. She was a woman, who acted like a stereotypical man.

So I was quite excited to see a proper transgendered main character on television. Imagine my disappointment when it turns out that SheZow is not actually transgendered. He’s a dude, he just wears a dress. Not the same thing. If anything, he’s a cross-dresser.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that, and overall, it is a positive thing. I was just disappointed.

But like I said, there was some political backlash. And it all had to do with the fact that a kids show featured a transgendered character. Which isn’t exactly true, but let’s roll with it for now.

But here’s a question: Why is this a bad thing?

Leading the charge against SheZow is One Million Cunts… I’m sorry, I mean, ‘Moms’. Oh wait, no, I actually do mean ‘cunts’ they are cunts.

This is an organization which devotes themselves to fighting against gay rights. Because obviously, what any given individual wants to do with their genitals is a public fucking issue.

So it’s no surprise that they would stick their noses into this. But what are their grievances?

Well, I have no fucking idea. But they claim it’s all about how the show is an “attempt by the gay, lesbian and transgender community to indoctrinate our children into accepting their lifestyles.” As if that’s a bad thing.

I question their use of the word ‘indoctrinate,’ since it doesn’t involve brainwashing or re-education camps. And I find it funny that they would use the word, since they are a Christian organization, and such actions are actually a major part of their industry.

But here’s the thing: kids, and adults, should be accepting of gay, lesbian and transgender lifestyles. I’m not saying they need to join up! I’m saying they need to be willing to accept the fact that gay, lesbian and transgendered people exist!

You know, you gotta give racists credit.

There’s a sentence you don’t hear very often…

You gotta give racists credit. Even at the height of segregation in the deep south of the United States, I’m pretty sure there wasn’t a single case of racists getting pissy because a comic book told kids that black people exist. No, they got pissed because a black person kissed a white person. Which is almost as ridiculous, but not quite.

That’s right, I just said racists are better than homophobes. What of it?

The other argument is that it would ‘confuse’ children. I heard this one from multiple sources, including one YouTube comment, which I’ll admit isn’t exactly an ideal source for high-minded debate.

Regardless, the argument is that the show will ‘confuse’ young children. Really? Perhaps the offspring you shat out! (I’m addressing the One Million Cunts here.) But as for the rest of the population, I’m pretty sure they have brains composed of something other than cornmeal.

The thing is, while kids are pretty dumb, they’re smart enough to understand nuance. If you teach it to them, they can understand, pretty easily, that not everything’s black and white. That there are gray areas and that not everyone is identical.

In fact, when I was growing up, the idea that everyone’s unique was drilled-in pretty fucking aggressively. And I went to a Catholic school. They really shouldn’t have felt the need to tell us that everyone’s unique, when everyone was the same.

Regardless, the only thing that would confuse the kid, with regards to SheZow, would be if you told the kid that there are strict gender roles that can never be violated. If you told them that only men wear pants and earn money, and only women wear dresses and stay at home raising kids and wearing makeup; then they watch SheZow and see that paradigm violated quite aggressively. Well, yes, that would confuse them.

It would also be sufficient reason for social services to take your children away.

The thing is, these things are not naturally ingrained in our consciousness when we’re born. Such gender roles are actually implanted in our brains by society. And to see them shaken up in such a way, I think that’s a good thing. I like seeing society shaken up, and our values questioned. Not because I want to see the downfall of society, but because I know that won’t happen. We’re not that fucking weak, and even if we were, there is no possible way a transgendered superhero would cause the collapse of civilization.

And if it does… if SheZow causes, as the cunts put it, “great damage to our culture.” Let me tell you something: it’s a culture that deserves to be damaged. It’s a culture that should be dismantled, piece by piece and thrown into the nearest bin. It’s a culture that should be replaced by one that doesn’t have its head up its ass and doesn’t care about the genitals of other people.

For fuck sake, these people are insane. Case in point, here’s a direct quote: “It won’t be long before little boys are saying, ‘I want to be a girl, so I can help people and save the world!'”

First off, no kid is that stupid. Second, if the parent hears that and says, ‘alright son, you want to be a girl? Let’s start buying you dresses.” At least they’ll be cut out of the gene pool.

No one is that stupid. Gender identity is actually pretty well ingrained in the human consciousness early on. They wouldn’t just decide to cut off their cock, unless they really were transgendered, which they would be despite the show, not because of it.

And if a child does say that, the correct reaction from the parent should be: “No, you need to come up with a better reason then that. Come up with a better reason, then we’ll talk about a sex change. Besides, Superman saves the world pretty frequently, and he still has a cock.”

And you know what? If a five-year-old boy wants to start wearing dresses. Fine, let him. I don’t see a problem with that. I honestly don’t. Sure the other kids’ll pick on him, but they probably do that anyway. And it might get him to stop!

All this comes down to the fact that these morons don’t have a leg to stand on.

Sure, the expansion of gay-rights does change things. But that’s not new. That’s always happened. Suffrage, civil rights, the abolition of slavery, those kinds of things have had lasting impacts on the world, and society, as a whole. And I think it’s for the better.

At this point, the only reason to be against gay rights is purely religious. Which, to me, makes it a non-issue. I’m an atheist! As far as I’m concerned, there is no god. So I don’t have to worry about him striking the planet down because two men are kissing.

But back to the show. Yeah, remember that? SheZow, the show that caused this entire kerfuffle. I find it funny that the show proper is taking a backseat to the controversy surrounding it. And the fact remains that if it wasn’t for One Million Cunts, and their campaign to get this show cancelled, I never would’ve watched it. Oh, the fuckin’ irony!!!

I probably wouldn’t have given it a second look. It’s just another superhero show. Oh, wait, now it’s pissing off the inbred nut jobs from Mississippi. Fuck, I’m watchin’ this!

And honestly, I’m glad I did. The show isn’t great, but it’s decent enough, and actually quite funny.

The premise of the show is simple: upon finding a magic ring that belonged to his dead aunt, Guy Hamdon puts it on and is immediately transformed into SheZow, feminine superhero! Which annoys the hell out of his sister, president of the SheZow fan club.

The first few episodes have a bit of a pacing problem, not helped by the fact that each episode is a mere ten minutes long. But after a while it begins to settle into a decent groove, and actually starts to work as an action-comedy.

However, the entire show is loaded with annoying-as-hell puns, which can get pretty grating. Actually, they’re not even puns. They somehow manage to sink beneath pun. All they do is insert the word ‘she’ into conversations, replacing words that sound vaguely like it.

I mean, that’s not even clever. Case in point, when the giant computer system chants ‘she-mergency’ over and over again like a goddamn record. Fuck you! Can you at least try!?

Then there’s SheZow’s primary mode of transportation, the She-hicle, which sounds a lot like ‘testicle.’

Admittingly, it’s an impressive machine. It can transform into a supersonic jet, and a high-speed submarine. It even turns into a time machine in that one episode. Which is notable for having a consistent monochromatic filter over the vast majority of the episode, and merely glazing over a major plot point. Hey, wouldn’t it have been nice to see him save his sister’s assignment!?

I do love the details the episode drops regarding SheZow’s history. Apparently the moniker goes back quite far and was always on the cutting edge. For instance, we meet 1920s SheZow, who dresses as a flapper, and can fly, which pisses Guy off, since he can’t. Like many women in that era, she’s a highly aggressive feminist. When Guy arrives to fight the bad guy, she cries that she can fight her own battles, before pulling a whip out of her hairnet and going all Indiana Jones on the bad guy.

It’s mentioned that the magic ring is passed down from aunt to niece, which is a curious tradition, since one would actually expect it to be passed down to one’s daughter instead. But it’s also mentioned that, much like Harry Potter’s wand, it’s actually the ring who chooses it’s bearer. Also very curious.

It’s likely that they’re trying to develop some type of mythology here. And I, personally, can’t wait to see it pay off. Best guess, something about the ring makes it impossible for the bearer to have children. This would explain why it’s always passed down to the niece, and could also explain why the ring ‘chose’ Guy. He could be the first SheZow to have a child, and that child will have some important destiny or something.

Obviously, we’ll never get to that second part in the series proper, since he’s pretty darn young to be having sex. Unless they also want to cover teen pregnancy. Hell yeah! Do it!

Then there’s his arsenal. Of particular note is the Laser Lipstick. And it’s a fucking Lightsaber. Again, hell yeah! He does good work with it too. I assume SheZow’s powers include latent precognition like the Jedi.

In fact, given that we’re soon going to get a new Star Wars film, Episode VII if you’re keeping track, I think SheZow needs to be the hero there. I know it doesn’t fit, but I don’t care. Do it anyways! I have no doubt SheZow can save the galaxy from a resurrected Ian McDiarmid, or whatever the big bad’s gonna be! It couldn’t be worse than Episode III.

As for the elephant in the room, well it never comes up. The cross-dressing becomes a big deal for thirty seconds in the first episode, where Guy freaks out slightly upon learning that he has to save the world while wearing a dress. Then his best friend starts pointing and laughing at him.

After this, the only time it comes up is for a few similar gags, where they go, ‘haha, it’s a dude wearing a dress;’ and with respect to his secret identity.

He has to keep up the illusion that he’s a chick, because otherwise… well he just has to, and as long as people presume he’s a girl, it’ll make fingering the real SheZow that much more difficult. As long as they’re looking for a girl, they’re not gonna find him. Of course, Guy’s pretty young at the moment, so he can pull this off quite easily. But eventually I’m sure he’ll have to start stuffing his chest, in order to maintain the illusion.

Overall, SheZow is a fantastic show. The crap puns can be overlooked, and the pacing isn’t always at light speed. It’s not perfect, but it has a lot of potential, and I hope they do much with it.

I’m certainly looking forward to future episodes, and I certainly hope to see a second season.

And to all those who think that this show is somehow dangerous. I think you need to get in touch with reality, because I don’t think you are. SheZow is possibly one of the most harmless shows to come out in recent years. It doesn’t try to insidiously worm its way into our subconscious, or make us vomit with its singularity-level cuteness, or bore us to death with repetitive fight scenes. It just tries to make us laugh. And really, isn’t that all you can ask for?

The accidental social progressiveness is just a bonus.


2 responses to “SheRow

  1. “She’s the first transgendered character. About time!” – There’s the logical fallacy of assuming newer things are better than older ones. Please prove, using facts, how and why society should accept the mentally ill. If you can sit there and tell me with a straight face of a man dressing like a woman is perfectly normal and healthy, with all the evidence and PROPER logic, perhaps you’ll convince the Silent Majority.

    But in any other case, you’re dead wrong. Travyon Martin called Zimmerman a “creepy ass-cracker”. He was 6’3, and wasn’t “innocent.”

    Anyways: “The only reason to be against gay rights is strictly religious. It won’t hurt anything.” Attacking Christianity again, and, of course, as an atheist, it’s the only thing you know. Never mind Islam. Or Voodoo. Because that would be racist, wouldn’t it? And you would hate being called racist.

    You’re an atheist, so science is your forte – allegedly. Prove to me how an anus is fit for a penis, and why they should deserve rights because of their sexuality. Why are they so special? Logical fallacy right there.

    “This story became national news. Why? Travyon Martin was black.”

    Perhaps you’d like to explain the silence around the genocide of Boers in South Africa. It’s no secret: the Africans chant: “Kill the Boer! Kill the White Farmer!” Oh, yes, there’s silence around a poor little black boy.

    And, when that’s going on, a transgender is viewed as progress. Not technology. Not science. Not learning. Not blut and bloden. But a goddamned transgender.

    I really have to ask what your morals are. Since you’re not “religious”, you’re going to have to explain to me why your “no hate” dogma – which is Christian – makes you better than anyone else.

    So, to you: celebration of the unworthy and the mentally deficient is A-OK, but by God, someone shoots a black kid, it’s all over.

    • Oh, wow. This is hilarious. First off, did I specifically refer to Christianity at any point, exclusively? No, I did not. I mentioned that One Million Moms is a christian organization, but that’s a statement of fact, nothing more. In actuality, Muslims persecute gays much more frequently than Christians. So, yeah, fuck them.

      And as for my explanation of the Trevon Martin case, I think I made it pretty clear that in my view, it’s not national news. None of it really matters, and I don’t care!

      But here’s my final, and most important point: who the fuck are you!? Who the fuck are you to judge gays and transgenders. What the hell business is it of yours what they do in their private lives?

      Are they mentally ill? I don’t know, I’m not a doctor. But it doesn’t matter! They don’t hurt anybody, so why the fuck do you care!? Are they forcing you into it? NO! And as for the question of how natural it is. Check your sources, there are hundreds of different animal species that display homosexuality in the wild. It’s not an exclusively human thing. The only thing that’s exclusively human is homophobia.

      The problem isn’t with them, or me. It’s with you. You’re the freak.

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