Category Archives: Reviews

Let’s Talk About Sex, Pony

Posted by BlackWidower on

Well, it’s finally happening. A major motion picture is being released as part of the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic franchise.

To be honest, I’m a bit excited. I remember watching the time travel episode back in season two, when Tartarus was revealed to exist, and I thought that such a concept would be excellent fodder for an epic movie.

I mean, that’s why you make a film, right? To tell a story worthy of the format. One sufficiently epic and amazing that it could only be told in a two-hour movie.

Much like The Simpsons Movie, which told the story of how Springfield was nearly destroyed by an overzealous bureaucrat.

So the My Little Pony film will have a similar nature, right? … Right?

Well, it’s hard to say at this point. But I’m doubtful. For the plot appears to be about Twilight travelling to another universe, being transformed into a human, and meeting duplicates of all her friends, ala Sliders.

Yes, it’s the famed Equestria Girls spin-off we heard so much about. Turns out initial rumours were true. That it wouldn’t be a TV series, but a film.

I’m honestly a bit disappointed. I’d thought we’d get a bit more out of this idea, instead of just a short two-hour film… okay, scratch that, it’s actually one hour, which means the tickets should only be about five bucks, but instead are probably gonna cost twenty because the world sucks.

Regardless, the reaction has been interesting, and mostly negative. For instance, some have commented on the fact that, for the first time, the various fan groups will be congregating in one theatre. The primary demographic of eight-year-old girls, the bronies, and the furries.

Now, this isn’t necessarily terrible. As long as the bronies act with some semblance of dignity, we should be fine.

Besides, it was bound to happen eventually. I’m pretty sure some eight-year-old girls already attend the various brony conventions that pop up around the planet. So this isn’t new.

And as for the furries, those who are sexually attracted to animals. Well… it’s not like this film would make things worse. I mean, what’s changed? Very little, except for the fact that the characters are in high school, as humans… wearing miniskirts…

Oh… fuck!

Is this what it has come to? Is it really necessary to sexualize these characters? I hope I’m just reaching here, in fact I’m pretty sure I am. But it is a bit odd that the entire cast is wearing miniskirts.

That being said, it does speak to an unfortunate elephant that has been in this community since it’s began: Sex! Continue reading →

Star Trek Redundancy

Posted by BlackWidower on

Star Trek, as a franchise, has a rich and varied history.

It’s a franchise all about the bright future humanity has waiting for it, all thanks to technology and scientific development.

The future is a world of peace. A world without poverty. It’s a world we all want to live in.

I find it odd that so many people think the future is dismal and dreary. Best guess: it’s pure selfishness. The truth is, now is the best time to be alive. A century, or even a decade ago, life sucked in comparison.

In 2003 we didn’t have DVRs, or Wi-Fi. The internet was still in its infancy, and medical technology was… well… we’ve made advancements. Okay, no cure for cancer, but there is the HPV vaccine, to start.

So given all that, many people hope the world would end tomorrow, so this time isn’t just the greatest time to be alive in comparison to all that came before it, but all that came after it. They don’t want to think that life gets better, because then they’ll just be jealous of the future.

I’m honestly jealous of the future. It saddens me to think martian colonies will not be established in my lifetime. My children will probably be long dead well before that happens.

But regardless, the future is waiting for us, and life will only get better. So let’s keep pushing that.

The second Star Trek series, The Next Generation, pushed the franchise from the 23rd into the 24th century. Which was a brilliant move, since we got to see how things get even better as time marches on.

Enterprise, the fifth entry in the franchise, was a prequel series set in the 22nd century, and is often considered Star Trek’s biggest misstep.

I don’t know if I can agree, I kinda like Enterprise. But I understand why some may not. It pulled the series back, when it probably would’ve been better to move forward.

I mentioned last time, that there were proposals to continue the franchise into the 26th, and 31st centuries. Both would have been fantastic. I would have loved to see either of those series in the light of day. It would have been the right move. Pushing the series’ history further and further into the future.

Sadly, they didn’t do that. Because the powers that be decided to do something completely different, and completely stupid. After Enterprise, the only follow-up we got brought us back into the 23rd century, a century we already covered. Following a crew we already know, the one from the original series.

And I honestly think it was a bad idea.

But ideas don’t matter, only execution. Something I’ve learned over the years. So I think it’s time I gave this film a fair shake.

Let’s talk about Star Trek… wait… I mean… I think I should start talking about Star Trek- no that still doesn’t work.

…

Okay, there’s a film, called Star Trek, and it’s a recent entry in the franchise called Star Trek. I’m referring to the specific film, not the franchise as a whole, when I say I want to talk about Star Trek… the film… made in 2009…

I hate my life. Continue reading →

To Boldly Go…

Posted by BlackWidower on

According to ancient myth, Star Trek films have a pattern. All the even-numbered releases are ‘good,’ and all the odd-numbered releases are ‘bad.’ Strange isn’t it?

Any rational mind would question such a state. Why would the quality jump around from film to film in a predictable pattern?

Well, there is such a thing as a self-fulfilling prophecy. When Jonathan Frakes was tasked with directing the ninth film, Insurrection, he mentioned the pattern, and said he’s happy to direct the film despite the fact that it is going to suck.

I’m willing to bet he half-assed the work because of this.

But does it hold up? Well, with the Next Generation films… kinda. First Contact was one of the best films I’ve ever seen, and Nemesis was a fun little romp.

Insurrection, I honestly liked when I first saw it, and when I first reviewed it. Though more recently I heard arguments against the film’s moral message, so now I kinda have to agree with the bad guys in that film. However, that being said, it was well executed, and generally, that’s all that matters.

Generations was shit. The only good part was Data’s emotion chip.

So for the most part, those four films maintained the pattern. But how did this all start? How did this pattern come to be? Well… I have no fucking clue. Because for the first six films, starring the cast of the original series. The pattern is non-existent… at least, in my view. Continue reading →

Parkour.dll

Posted by BlackWidower on

So TRON was a film about the experiences of a man converted into digital data. It was a surreal fever dream that was fantastic and beautiful.

TRON 2.0 expanded the universe as far as it could when a new character found himself digitized the same way. Similarly themed, it gave the player the opportunity to explore a much larger world than was seen in the original film.

Then, TRON: Legacy rebooted the franchise, transforming it into a Flash Gordon knock-off with all sign of digitality stripped away. But it had enough charm, and added enough new quirks to the mythology to make up for it.

This new mythology has a lot of potential, despite the potential it could have had, if they stuck with the mythology established in TRON 2.0.

Regardless, it’s a story, and a moderately interesting one at that. Kevin Flynn creates a world to experiment with… stuff… in an accelerated digital environment. He made a major discovery, digital lifeforms with free will called ISOs. Then it all turned on him when his own creation wiped out his greatest discovery, and held him captive for a thousand cycles/years.

Oh, by the way, spoilers.

It had a lot of potential and it raised a lot of questions. For instance, when Kevin realized Clu didn’t like the ISOs, why didn’t he decide to reprogram his system administrator to ignore the ‘perfection’ goal, so he’d stop acting like the motherfucking Borg!?

As far as I know, that question was never answered. In fact, very few questions were answered when the opportunity presented itself. When the story of Clu’s coup, and subsequent campaign of genocide against the ISOs was told, in the TRON: Legacy tie-in game, TRON: Evolution. And man, does it suck. Continue reading →

You Think About All The Friends That You Hate To Leave: “Summertime Blues” review

Posted by BlackWidower on

This past Friday, I made my final decision: In four months I’m leaving my hometown of Sudbury, Ontario and moving to Oshawa, Ontario to attend Durham College for their Computer Programmer Analyst Program. It’s a three-year program which is a huge commitment, especially for someone as old as me. But I’m excited, it’s a new era for me, as I finally get the chance to start life anew. After all, Journalism didn’t do anything for me. Maybe entering the tech industry will change things.

It’s also exciting because I have to admit, I don’t actually like this town. Nothing ever happens and the majority of the population is paste-eatingly stupid. So that’s two strikes against it. And really, I have nothing holding me here. No reason to stay. Some may mention my family, but as I’ve said before, I don’t actually like my family. So that doesn’t help.

Plus, the move is a chance to reset, and finally get rid of all the crap I’ve been accumulating after all these years.

It is an opportunity, and one I shall not miss.

And one other thing: I don’t think I’m ever coming back. I have no reason to, as I’ve already stated.

Oh, sure, I have friends, who I like, and will miss. But sadly, I’m not particularly close to any of them. We rarely spend any time together. So they don’t hold me back as much as one might think.

It’s actually kinda sad when you think about it. I first met these guys back in October. And ten months later, I may never see them again, unless we plan to meet up at the next Anime Convention. Let’s hope that happens.

But yeah, I’m leaving everything behind. And that’s why the first season finale of Littlest Pet Shop is one of the few episodes I could empathise with. Continue reading →

Closed Logic

Posted by BlackWidower on

What I love the most about TRON and TRON 2.0, is the feel of it: Surreal and fantastic.

It’s a world where anything is possible, where information is free, and where one’s very nature can be altered on a whim.

It’s not grounded in the logic we know. It’s a purely fictional world. Every element is distinct from reality.

Even something as simple as a city street can be bizarrely surreal.

There’s also the bright colour scheme, with flat colours maintaining the world’s artificial feel.

It’s a fantastic look, and a fantastic world. So how can someone fuck that up?

Well, by changing the look to reflect reality, and reducing the colour scheme to black, black, more black, off-black and the occasional neon light.

This is TRON: Legacy, where the TRON franchise went to die. Continue reading →

Littlest Kleptomaniacs: “Blythe’s Pet Project” review

Posted by BlackWidower on

Littlest Pet Shop is a strange show.

Our heroes are pets who live in a pet store, plus one human with Doctor Doolittle powers. Backing them up is an eccentric cast of mental patients, and an occasional random animal whom we never see again.

I still don’t get why Sugar Sprinkles went walkabout after her appearance, but Butterscotch kept coming back even though I want her to die.

I also don’t know why so many other animals visit once and are never heard from again. Like Gail, Zoe’s sister, who would have had every reason to make return appearances. In fact, I don’t know why Zoe visits the shop, but her sister doesn’t. Let me guess: Gail has a day job. She works retail.

But this week, we introduce another animal guest star. And this time, there a reason we’ll never see him again. Everyone hates him. Continue reading →

Back to Digital

Posted by BlackWidower on

TRON was a revolutionary film for its time. One of the first films to use CGI, and it was actually the theme of the film. Which was pretty daring back in 1982.

A science fiction film through and through it managed to scare off some people. Something I don’t fully understand.

TRON was a box office bomb which I find wholly disappointing, and so did many others.

The late Roger Ebert raved about the original, giving it a rare perfect score, despite, and possibly because of, its lack of human characters. He also thought of it as a highly underrated film, featuring it on his show, Siskel and Ebert and the Movies, a decade later; And closing his first ever Overlooked Film Festival with a screening of it in 1999.

And if Roger Ebert loved TRON, who the fuck are you to argue!?

But over the next several years it went on to earn back double its initial budget. Eventually justifying the release of a sequel. Several sequels as a matter of fact. And how do they stack up?

Sigh… Where to begin?

Why not start with the first attempt? In 2003, twenty-one years after the release of the first film, the first sequel to TRON saw the light of day. And it was appropriately titled: TRON 2.0.

It was a fantastic follow-up to the first film, primarily because it wasn’t a film, but a game. Continue reading →