Let’s Talk About Sex, Pony

Well, it’s finally happening. A major motion picture is being released as part of the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic franchise.

To be honest, I’m a bit excited. I remember watching the time travel episode back in season two, when Tartarus was revealed to exist, and I thought that such a concept would be excellent fodder for an epic movie.

I mean, that’s why you make a film, right? To tell a story worthy of the format. One sufficiently epic and amazing that it could only be told in a two-hour movie.

Much like The Simpsons Movie, which told the story of how Springfield was nearly destroyed by an overzealous bureaucrat.

So the My Little Pony film will have a similar nature, right? … Right?

Well, it’s hard to say at this point. But I’m doubtful. For the plot appears to be about Twilight travelling to another universe, being transformed into a human, and meeting duplicates of all her friends, ala Sliders.

Yes, it’s the famed Equestria Girls spin-off we heard so much about. Turns out initial rumours were true. That it wouldn’t be a TV series, but a film.

I’m honestly a bit disappointed. I’d thought we’d get a bit more out of this idea, instead of just a short two-hour film… okay, scratch that, it’s actually one hour, which means the tickets should only be about five bucks, but instead are probably gonna cost twenty because the world sucks.

Regardless, the reaction has been interesting, and mostly negative. For instance, some have commented on the fact that, for the first time, the various fan groups will be congregating in one theatre. The primary demographic of eight-year-old girls, the bronies, and the furries.

Now, this isn’t necessarily terrible. As long as the bronies act with some semblance of dignity, we should be fine.

Besides, it was bound to happen eventually. I’m pretty sure some eight-year-old girls already attend the various brony conventions that pop up around the planet. So this isn’t new.

And as for the furries, those who are sexually attracted to animals. Well… it’s not like this film would make things worse. I mean, what’s changed? Very little, except for the fact that the characters are in high school, as humans… wearing miniskirts…

Oh… fuck!

Is this what it has come to? Is it really necessary to sexualize these characters? I hope I’m just reaching here, in fact I’m pretty sure I am. But it is a bit odd that the entire cast is wearing miniskirts.

That being said, it does speak to an unfortunate elephant that has been in this community since it’s began: Sex!

I’ve been a brony for the past two years, and in that time, I’ve seen it all. Stories and art of all kinds, and all degrees. And yes, some of it is sexual in nature.

Personally, I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with that. But sadly, it has been used as fodder for some first-degree brony hate. Many people see bronies as perverts or deviants, partly because of this. Yet, bizarrely, I never hear someone suggest the same for Sonic the Hedgehog fans.

Besides, this has always happened. Since the beginning of time, every fan community has a small section of fan art that’s sexual in nature. This really hit home for me one day when I was chatting with someone about someone else who was stealing art. By ‘stealing,’ I mean posting it on Photobucket. I looked through the culprit’s gallery, and noticed that it was more likely he was just using the site as a holding bin, because he wanted to keep the images. I even picked one image out and showed it to him, to prove a point.

He was shocked and disgusted.

See, I didn’t notice I sent him Transformers porn. I didn’t even know that existed. I didn’t notice that, in the image, he was sticking his cable into her dataport. I wasn’t really looking for it. I just saw Transformers fan art. Why would I bother checking where their robot genitals were located. And that’s another thing, they’re robots, why would they have sex? Why would they even be built to have sex!? It doesn’t make sense.

But yes, every fan community does this, even if it makes no sense in any context. And often, it’s straight up porn. Why would My Little Pony be any different?

I’m asking honestly, because I have no idea.

The strange thing is, that despite the fact that My Little Pony fanporn was pretty much inevitable, even the fans can’t help but freak out about it.

Many get upset over the idea that the characters on the show might be having sex.

I this find bizarre, for so many reasons. Are we to assume the ponies of Equestria don’t have sex? That’s ridiculous, they’re not robots! And how did we get the Cake twins?

It’s safe to assume sex does happen. So why wouldn’t some fans decide to explore this element of pony culture? It’s a significant part of our culture. Why wouldn’t it be a significant part of theirs? Why deny this?

Best guess, it might have something to do with the fact that this is, ostensibly, a kid’s show. And because of this, associating it with sexual material is inherently creepy. But that runs counter to the entire idea that we bronies have been trying to push. That target demographics don’t matter. The show’s good and it’s watched by adults. That’s all there is to it.

I, personally, don’t have a problem with My Little Pony fanporn. I only have a problem when it’s done badly.

Case in point, one story which shall remain nameless. It was basically a choose-your-own-adventure book featuring a brony who’s pulled through the television, into Equestria. Along one of the paths he ends up seducing one Rainbow Dash. I say, ‘seduce’ but that’s being generous. Basically, Rainbow asks if he wants a good fuck, and he says ‘yes.’ It’s some of the blandest work I’ve ever read. No romance, no emotion, no passion, no thing. Just, ‘they had sex.’ Oh, fantastic, like I give a crap.

It’s the strangest thing. There’s no plot or point to this story, just: ‘They had sex and it was awesome.’

It also doesn’t help that the main character was a human transformed into a pony. Obviously a self-insertion by the author. But why? Does he have some desire to have sex with a horse?

Must be from South Carolina.

Are there people with that desire? Do they really want to have sex with a pony? Personally, I’d like to aim for a human instead.

But apparently, there is a segment of bronies with that kind of desire. Specifically, the aforementioned furries, who are naturally in a Venn Diagram with bronies. Which is part of the reason this little item came out of the woodwork a year or so ago:

Just an average plushie of Lyra. One of the background characters off the show. Really well done, I might add. And otherwise inconspicuous, save for the hole the designer put in her ass.

Oh, yeah, I wish I was kidding. And he wasn’t even subtle about its purpose.

This is also the very first MLP plushie to feature a special hole in her butt that you can stick your penis in! It has a circumference of a little over 6.5″ and a depth of about 6″. You can pull it inside-out for cleaning but it is highly recommended you don’t finish inside her as fleece can be quite difficult to clean!

I know, I probably had the same reaction. A bit of, “Wait, what!?” followed by, “Am I being punk’d!?” and finished with, “This is a shitty SNL sketch, isn’t it?”

It’s surreal and ludicrous. And most people reacted with shock and horror. Even more said, “how dare you, you’re making the rest of us look bad!”

I don’t see how, but…

Some even resorted to death threats! Which just makes things worse, I think! I’m sorry, but the man who’s into bestiality can maintain the moral high ground over a murderer.

But you might find this interesting, the creator of this little artifact actually came out and explained his motivations. Basically, he was trying to take the piss out of the community. Saying they take this shit too seriously. And I completely agree with him. Really, I do! People take this shit too seriously, and the reaction is proof!

Lighten up for fuck’s sake, it’s just a show!

I know some may point out the fact that I’ve written detailed critical reviews of the show, meaning I take it too seriously. But I do that for fun, not because I think it should be considered a serious drama. I like poking holes in things, it’s amusing.

Anyway, I don’t even see how that thing would work, because fleece probably doesn’t feel very realistic, and it doesn’t look like you can fit a fleshlight in there.

But it does have a few alternate uses.

I don’t think everyone sees it this way. Most don’t have any desire to have sex with horses. Or at least they don’t want to have sex with horses, but the characters on the show regardless of their species.

Oh, please, don’t give me that look. I honestly don’t see how a desire to sleep with Twilight Sparkle is any worse than a desire to sleep with Chun-Li. There’s no difference. True, one’s a horse, but they’re both sentient, and both fictional, so it doesn’t matter.

Besides, given her body proportions, I’m not exactly sure Chun-Li is human either.

But regardless, not all fanporn is an extension of some desire to do a horse. Some just decide to explore that side of their society. Like a character’s first heat.

Horses, female horses, have reproductive cycles. Just like humans. But when horses are at their most fertile, they’re also at their most lascivious. Now, this might not be true for a more evolved race of ponies. Perhaps the evolution of a rational mind should allow them to repress such things. But since it’s never covered on the show (not surprisingly) we have no idea. So, one story explored such a possibility.

Blooming Heat is a story all about how ponies handle this delicate time, and more importantly, how they want to avoid it. Apple Bloom is going through her first estrous, and is therefore being separated from every male by a hundred yards. Even Big Mac has to leave town, that’s how bad it is.

But of course, as long as she remains separated from every male, everything will be okay. Then Spike arrives.

It’s really well done, and we get a decent story out of it. Okay, some may question the use of the youngest characters on the show, but it is about her first heat. If it was an older character, it would be a completely different story.

Would the story have worked if they cut out all the explicit scenes? …NO! Not even close, we wouldn’t have gotten any sort of feel for what they’re going through, and it would have been a lot shorter.

Other stories are just unusual. One I found was all about Twilight testing out a spell that turns her into a dragon. And Spike never encountered a female dragon before.

They don’t actually do anything, but it does get pretty explicit, due to Spike’s hormones.

Then there’s one story whose content borders on pedophilia, but it’s an interesting exploration of both pony and human sexuality and curiosity.

Sex-Ed PlayDate‘s all about how Apple Bloom inadvertently discovers a sex manual in the local library. Then her curiosity suddenly gets the better of her, so she molests Spike.

Yeah, remember, Spike is the only male in the cast.

Then, she drags her friends into this situation, and due to a deal he made earlier in the week, they end up having an orgy. It’s bizarre and ludicrous. But somewhat plausible. I mean, isn’t that the fear of so many right-wing nuts in the world? You teach kids sex-ed and they’ll want to do it!

You teach a six-year-old about sex and they’ll want to fuck everything in sight!

Ludicrous as a thing.

Speaking of Ludicrous, Pinkie Pie’s an interesting character, and at least one author decided to write a story that explored her sexuality. It started by explaining that she’s fuck buddies with Fluttershy, and regularly screws everyone in town, since she loves making people happy.

Oi…

So anyway, it’s her special night with Fluttershy, and she decides to bring a background character into the mix for a very special threesome.

Yeah, none of that story made sense. After all, sleeping around is how venereal diseases are spread, and they don’t make for good party favours. Besides, you’d think one or two ponies might get a bit possessive. But it was well-presented, so I’ll give it that.

Of course, then we have the pure romance stories. Which is a phrase that doesn’t describe any story I mentioned earlier.

The Element of Love is a bit strange, but sweet in its own way. Fluttershy tells Spike she has a crush on him, as they’re both alone in the Library, during a thunderstorm. Then one things leads to another… And it’s nice. Very romantic. Not raunchy or crude, but tasteful. And the characters don’t feel out of character, which would have been the primary signal of a bad story.

At least, that’s true for the first half.

In chapter two, Twilight walks in and it gets raunchy. The contrast is ridiculous. For the first half, we have a tender love scene; the second half, we got a low-rent porn film.

It’s ridiculous for fuck’s sake.

But that’s not the worst thing I’ve ever read.

I’m gonna keep this one nameless. But it’s a story all about Spike and Apple Bloom, and how they’ve been secretly dating for quite a while. Apple Bloom’s been out-of-town for a few weeks, and arrives back deciding to take her relationship with Spike to the next level. But before anything happens, Applejack bursts in, saying she heard everything. She sends Apple Bloom to her room, and is left alone in the barn, with Spike.

Then, Applejack rapes Spike.

What the fuck!?

It’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever read, and I wish I didn’t read it. Not only that, it’s completely out of character for both of them. Applejack would have never done something like that, and Spike would have flamed her if she tried.

Apparently, some people even thought it was funny. …No. It’s not. It’s not funny. Rape is never funny, whether it’s a male or female victim. It’s a crime. A violation. And anyone who thinks otherwise is a horrible human being who deserves to be shot.

Sorry, this just really bugs me. I cannot believe anyone would write something like that and think it’s okay. It’s not okay. The only context in which rape is appropriate, is in a crime drama, where you’re trying to catch the bastard(ess) who did it; or a horror film, where you’re trying to freak us the fuck out.

So, basically, it’s just like Cupcakes.

Now, what was my point here? Well, basically, that there’s nothing inherently wrong with sexually explicit material. Much of it is shit. Some of it is atrocious. But that doesn’t mean it should be collectively shunned. There are a lot of great stories out there that contain sex scenes, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

We humans have a bizarre kneejerk reaction to suddenly get embarrassed over anything remotely sexual. It’s a vestigial element from the early days of agriculture, when we started owning stuff. Suddenly, you didn’t want to lose track of your offspring, so you could ensure your stuff was inherited properly after you died.

So reproduction became a taboo issue. Especially with women, since men had to ensure that they were the father of their children… and men ran everything back then.

But now, I think we’ve moved past it. Or at least, we should. I’m not saying bang everything in sight. Far from it. Have standards. But let’s stop treating it as something bad. And let’s admit to ourselves that everyone does it. Even cartoon horses.

5 responses to “Let’s Talk About Sex, Pony

  1. >Rape is never funny, whether it’s a male or female victim. It’s a crime. A violation. And anyone who thinks otherwise is a horrible human being who deserves to be shot.
    Someone doesn’t understand dark comedy.

    >It’s a vestigial element from the early days of agriculture, when we started owning stuff. Suddenly, you didn’t want to lose track of your offspring, so you could ensure your stuff was inherited properly after you died.
    That’s one theory, and may be part of the explanation, but there’s also the possibility, evidenced by observations in other higher primates, that it evolved because, basically, we’re descended from instances where female protohumans would have sex behind the alpha male’s back. Your explanation explains why we don’t just go around fucking everything that moves, but not why we consider sex something to be done in private.

  2. Cloppers are a part of this fandom, and I accept that. I like to think I have grown more comfortable with their content (at least to a certain degree) over the course of time. Sure, I was dearly against it at first and wanted it to go away, but I realized some of it is actually quite good when I first give it a chance.

    However….

    What I just can’t find redeemable or morally acceptable is foalcon, i.e. porn of the younger characters on the show, like Sweeitie Belle, Apple Bloom, etc. It’s beyond immoral. Bronies are already frowned upon enough by society and looked at as pedophiles; we don’t need these people fanning the flames.

    • I can see that, but I find it excusable based on two factors. First: we don’t know how old they are, since it was never stated on screen directly, they could be in their early teens. Sure, they don’t act that way, but the main cast are all adults, yet they act like teenagers. A paradigm defended by Lauren Faust who said that because they’re horses, they might age differently.

      Second, in such material, we often see these characters in the future, aged by a couple years. So such activity is natural in those cases. Okay, perhaps not natural, but it wouldn’t be unexpected.

      Now, even then, they would be under 18, which some would argue is reason enough to hate it. I have to disagree. Primarily because it’s just a story.

      It also helps that I don’t see them as existing to titillate. And that goes with all these stories. I see them as existing to tell a fun/funny story, and that’s it.

      One story I once read, which shall remain nameless, is all about Spike getting it on with Sweetie Belle, and with very little build-up, and Spike likely coaxing her into it.

      That is a problem, since it doesn’t stand up on its own, and is actually kinda disgusting. So I’m with you on that front. But I’d probably feel that way regardless of character’s age.

      That being said, how bronies are viewed by society is not something I’m worried about. Especially since anyone who makes blanket statements like that are not living in reality to begin with.

      “I’m too old to be governed by fear of dumb people.” – Charlie Skinner

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