Littlest Kleptomaniacs: “Blythe’s Pet Project” review

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Littlest Pet Shop is a strange show.

Our heroes are pets who live in a pet store, plus one human with Doctor Doolittle powers. Backing them up is an eccentric cast of mental patients, and an occasional random animal whom we never see again.

I still don’t get why Sugar Sprinkles went walkabout after her appearance, but Butterscotch kept coming back even though I want her to die.

I also don’t know why so many other animals visit once and are never heard from again. Like Gail, Zoe’s sister, who would have had every reason to make return appearances. In fact, I don’t know why Zoe visits the shop, but her sister doesn’t. Let me guess: Gail has a day job. She works retail.

But this week, we introduce another animal guest star. And this time, there a reason we’ll never see him again. Everyone hates him. Continue reading →

Back to Digital

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TRON was a revolutionary film for its time. One of the first films to use CGI, and it was actually the theme of the film. Which was pretty daring back in 1982.

A science fiction film through and through it managed to scare off some people. Something I don’t fully understand.

TRON was a box office bomb which I find wholly disappointing, and so did many others.

The late Roger Ebert raved about the original, giving it a rare perfect score, despite, and possibly because of, its lack of human characters. He also thought of it as a highly underrated film, featuring it on his show, Siskel and Ebert and the Movies, a decade later; And closing his first ever Overlooked Film Festival with a screening of it in 1999.

And if Roger Ebert loved TRON, who the fuck are you to argue!?

But over the next several years it went on to earn back double its initial budget. Eventually justifying the release of a sequel. Several sequels as a matter of fact. And how do they stack up?

Sigh… Where to begin?

Why not start with the first attempt? In 2003, twenty-one years after the release of the first film, the first sequel to TRON saw the light of day. And it was appropriately titled: TRON 2.0.

It was a fantastic follow-up to the first film, primarily because it wasn’t a film, but a game. Continue reading →

Egos, Lies and Dismemberment: “Frenemies” review

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Friendship is not easy. Sometimes personalities clash, and tempers flare. Differing political opinions, religious views, and even something as mundane as one’s mood can cause a friendship to break apart.

Sometimes, this can also happen between people who are too alike. People whose egos are the size of planets, because generally, you can only have one alpha per group.

I’ve seen this happen a lot. And before you start making unfounded accusations; Yes, I was generally one of the egos. It’s something I’m working on.

But the collapse of a friendship can happen before you even realize it. Suddenly you say one wrong thing, they react, then you react, then suddenly you hate each other, and you think: “How did that happen, oh wait.”

It doesn’t ever feel good to lose a friend. Never. It feels even worse when you know for a fact that you’re in the wrong. So you stop, and do what you might be afraid to do: Apologize.

Some see it as a sign of weakness, especially American politicians. I don’t see how, but that’s how they see it.

I don’t agree. I just see it as something you do when you’re in the wrong. It can clear the air, and make everything better. It may not accomplish anything, and you might not get anything out of it, but that’s how the world works. You don’t get an award for doing the right thing.

But why do so many people take so long to admit they’re wrong? Egos, typically. And this week on Littlest Pet Shop, two of the show’s biggest egos go head-to-head and try to out-Pinkie-Pie one another. Forgetting why they’re doing it. Continue reading →

Best Frienemies: “Lotsa Luck” and “Door-Jammed” review

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There’s a crucial difference between an adversary and a friend. Friends have a tendency to help you in any situation, regardless of how it might affect them.

Adversaries do the exact opposite.

How the hell could these lines blur?

Well, sometimes perception is everything. You may think someone is being mean or animus, or that they’re out to get you. When they may be the closest ally you will ever have.

In my personal experience, this has happened many times. Not just on the internet, as I’ve explained before, but in real life as well.

Once I had the unfortunate experience of having a prick as a roommate; he was a violent, arrogant, moronic bigot. I mentioned him before, and he’s since gotten his ass evicted by refusing to talk it out with the landlord. When the landlord asked to speak with him, he said he’d rather rest up for partying later that night.

I’m not sorry to see him go, but there is one thing to note: I actually tried to get along with him. I tried to help him. I didn’t want to see him evicted and I didn’t try to get him evicted. That was what everyone else did.

I was probably the closest thing he had to an ally in the entire building. But for some reason, he thought I was out to get him. He saw me as an enemy. And I had every reason to hate this guy, but I don’t hate. Pretty much as a rule, I don’t hate. I’d be a right ass if I did.

Maybe I need to pick a more a more universal analogy… The second half of Portal 2. Hey, that’s actually apt in several ways. Props to Jonathan Coulton for doing the impossible and writing an even better finale song than Still Alive.

Though I’m sure not everyone has played Portal 2. There must be another! AH! Littlest Pet Shop! Continue reading →

Inside the Computer

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To many, computers are an enigma.

The average computer user doesn’t understand the first thing about what goes on behind the screen.

They know how to do what they need to do. They know how to play games, browse the web, check email, use a word processor; but everything else is a mystery. And if something goes wrong, or things get complicated, they wouldn’t even know where to start. In those cases, they might call their friend or acquaintance who once used the word ‘processor’ and ask them for help.

It’s much like my relationship with cars. And as one of those ‘processor’ people, I should tell you, it can get annoying. Especially when you’re asked to do mundane stuff that a trained monkey could pull off.

However, these days, if you don’t use a computer, you’re either Amish or trapped in an underground cave. So people do have a general idea of what they do. But back in the 80s, this was not the case.

Most people didn’t use them at all, or at least, they didn’t recognize them as computers. The closest the average person might get to an electronic computer system was in an arcade, or through the Atari 2600, if they were lucky and rich.

Even their use in business was extremely rare. They were a brand new technology, that not everyone saw the purpose of, or potential in. Even the idea of a computer as a consumer device was received with skepticism, since few understood what a computer could actually do.

It was mysterious, and confusing; and as always, such mystery and confusion allows science fiction writers to do what they do best: make stuff up, and not get questioned on it.

You all remember the series, Reboot? Canadian-made by the way. It starred Bob, a sprite in the city of Mainframe, and his friends, Dot and Enzo. Ostensibly, Mainframe was actually the hard drive of a computer system, or something. Our characters were essentially packets of data… I think. It’s actually a little confusing at times, but the show was generally entertaining, and the computer nerds had a laugh with all the puns and inside jokes.

The series sort of took a turn for the dark in season three, which I kinda liked. But in season four, it just got weird. And there was never any need for Dot and Bob to get married, especially since they never actually dated or anything before then.

But, that was the 90s. We’re talking about the 80s, when this idea, of a story starring characters that were merely several ones and zeros strung together, first got traction.

It all started, with TRON. Continue reading →

False Love: “Terriers and Tiaras” review

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‘Why?’ is a simple question that people don’t ask often enough.

Why spend $10 on a movie ticket? Why take a trip to New York? Why write? Why work in retail? Why go to college?

Some of those questions might have legitimate or obvious answers. Then there are questions like this:

Why enter your pet in a dog show?

The typical answer to this might be: Because they love it! Because they have fun!

But, that would be an outright lie. Typically at a dog or cat show, the animals spend half their time trapped in steel cages, and the other half being examined like a piece of meat. The only fun they might have is the time they spend with you, which means the animal would have more fun at a park, or at home.

No, the real reason to enter your animal in a dog or cat show is for your own self-gratification. To win a prize and make your pointless and shallow life feel a bit more fulfilling. It’s the same reason one would write a blog where they insult people and put them down for no real reason. To make themselves feel big.

Wait…

Anyway, I have a hard time believing any animal enjoys those kinds of competitions. So it’s all for the owners, to socialize and shop for stuff they claim is for their pets but is really bought so they can show off.

It’s lies like these that piss me off. How many parents enter their children in talent shows and schedule showbiz auditions? Often, it’s not because the kids like it, but because the parent wanted to be in showbiz, so they try to live vicariously though their children.

Admittingly, I’m probably also gonna do that when I have kids.

Yes, it’s all about the adults, the owners, and the people who sit in the background. But they lie, to the world, and I assume themselves.

Which eloquently leads me into this week’s episode of Littlest Pet Shop. We all remember that Zoe is the diva right? Continue reading →

Let’s Prey

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The first person shooter is a classic genre. One that holds a special place in my heart.

The reason for this is simple. They feel more realistic than most other genres. After all, if you’re supposed to be the player-character, why are you constantly looking at yourself in profile, or at the back of your own head? We see things in first person in the real world, we should see things the same way in games.

Okay, some may argue that your field of vision in real life is a lot bigger than it is in the average FPS. But I really don’t give a shit.

This love goes back quite a bit. I remember playing the original Doom when I was a little kid. Only the first episode though because paying for that stuff was not easy. We didn’t have gaming stores back in the day. We had the shareware bin at Zellers, which had dozens of different games for a dollar each, but that was it. They actually should have been free, but you still had to pay for the media and distribution costs. Remember, this was the pre-internet days. Higgs, I’m old!

There was also the small computer stores which did repairs and sold accessories and software. But not a lot of games.

Anyway, back then first person shooters were simple. There really was no up or down, according to the game engine, and the entire game could be controlled through the keyboard using only six or seven buttons. At least until Quake, which introduced the Z-axis and revolutionized gaming. Now we needed the ability to easily look up or down. Enter mouselook, which allowed us to seamlessly aim and shoot with one hand, while controlling movement with the other.

Since then, controls for these games have evolved even further. Now, first-person shooters are ubiquitous on gaming consoles, which required a simplification of controls, and in my mind, has made them unplayable.

Recently, I was at a friend’s house with my fellow local bronies. We watched the (at the time) recently released brony documentary, during which I screamed “FUCK YOU!” at the Fox News cunts. Then we watched a few episodes of our favourite show, before switching on the Playstation 3 to play some PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale, a game which I found to be incredibly broken.

After most of the gang left, the rest of us played some Call of Duty 9: Black Ops II, and I quickly found that I couldn’t play it. I’m pretty good at first person shooters, but here, I couldn’t aim at all. I don’t just mean, I couldn’t aim accurately, I mean I literally could not control the camera. I just couldn’t. I would overshoot my target way too easily and end up spinning in a circle. I even had some directional confusion. Sometimes I got the target on screen, but then accuracy became the obvious issue and my friends are sadistic. But I love them.

Glad to get that off my chest. So yeah, console controls for FPSes suck. But on the PC, thanks to the mouse, they still work like a clock. Even a touchpad works wonders, which is why I’m sure many people will find great use for the touchpad on the upcoming PS4 controller. Though it’s not exactly ideally positioned.

Anyway, there’s one thing I’ve noticed about a lot of first person shooters. If they are not dealing with an international war, either World War II or something modern, they’re dealing with an alien invasion.

I guess it’s an easy plot-device. You can use it as an excuse to introduce really cool and exotic weapons, and have your player-characters slaughter thousands of bad guys without making them feel guilty afterwards.

But still, it’s overused. Can’t we change it up? What if our player-character had hitherto unknown superpowers that one can use in combat, and for puzzle solving? And what if these superpowers originated from some real-world mythology, and played into the game’s overall backstory!?

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to a grossly underrated game: Prey. Continue reading →

A Grey Identity

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Gender politics is not a very easy thing to talk about. Especially when you’re a white guy.

Men have had it easy for millennia. Going back to the early days of our civilization, women were always considered inferior. They weren’t allowed to talk or hold any position of power. Do you know why they say, “behind every great man is a great woman”? Because the women weren’t allowed to be in front.

Now, why was this? I have no fucking idea. Best guess, it has something to do with physical strength. Because nine times out of ten, a man is going to be stronger than a woman. At this point I’d love to say even I am stronger than any woman. But I’m pretty sure at least a few of my female friends could take me down. I don’t work out or anything, and I have no desire to. So a few of them could probably take me down in a fight. Not that I’m gonna test this hypothesis.

Basically I’m saying that domestic violence was likely very common at the dawn of civilization. So women never really got any form of equality until recently, when domestic violence went out of style, and mass media went in style. In the early 20th century, a group of women known as the suffragettes campaigned for women’s rights. Specifically, the right to vote. They got it in 1918. Thank you, Robert Borden.

Of course Quebec waited until the 40’s, so fuck them.

But that was just the beginning. Representation in both levels of government, ending discrimination in hiring practices, and wages equal to men came later. But it did come, and I’m very happy.

Yeah, I’ll call myself a feminist. Even though I think it’s a misnomer. Men and women are different, sure. But one is not better than the other, not by a long shot.

I could go on and on about this, but I’m not going to. I’ll save my feminism rant for another day. Instead, today I’d like to talk about something else. A new front on the war for gender equality. A front that could end up being a much greater challenge than anything faced before. You see, we’re not fighting for women, or men, but for those in between.

Let’s talk about the transgendered.

Continue reading →