Category Archives: My Little Pony

Let’s Talk About Sex, Pony

Posted by BlackWidower on

Well, it’s finally happening. A major motion picture is being released as part of the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic franchise.

To be honest, I’m a bit excited. I remember watching the time travel episode back in season two, when Tartarus was revealed to exist, and I thought that such a concept would be excellent fodder for an epic movie.

I mean, that’s why you make a film, right? To tell a story worthy of the format. One sufficiently epic and amazing that it could only be told in a two-hour movie.

Much like The Simpsons Movie, which told the story of how Springfield was nearly destroyed by an overzealous bureaucrat.

So the My Little Pony film will have a similar nature, right? … Right?

Well, it’s hard to say at this point. But I’m doubtful. For the plot appears to be about Twilight travelling to another universe, being transformed into a human, and meeting duplicates of all her friends, ala Sliders.

Yes, it’s the famed Equestria Girls spin-off we heard so much about. Turns out initial rumours were true. That it wouldn’t be a TV series, but a film.

I’m honestly a bit disappointed. I’d thought we’d get a bit more out of this idea, instead of just a short two-hour film… okay, scratch that, it’s actually one hour, which means the tickets should only be about five bucks, but instead are probably gonna cost twenty because the world sucks.

Regardless, the reaction has been interesting, and mostly negative. For instance, some have commented on the fact that, for the first time, the various fan groups will be congregating in one theatre. The primary demographic of eight-year-old girls, the bronies, and the furries.

Now, this isn’t necessarily terrible. As long as the bronies act with some semblance of dignity, we should be fine.

Besides, it was bound to happen eventually. I’m pretty sure some eight-year-old girls already attend the various brony conventions that pop up around the planet. So this isn’t new.

And as for the furries, those who are sexually attracted to animals. Well… it’s not like this film would make things worse. I mean, what’s changed? Very little, except for the fact that the characters are in high school, as humans… wearing miniskirts…

Oh… fuck!

Is this what it has come to? Is it really necessary to sexualize these characters? I hope I’m just reaching here, in fact I’m pretty sure I am. But it is a bit odd that the entire cast is wearing miniskirts.

That being said, it does speak to an unfortunate elephant that has been in this community since it’s began: Sex! Continue reading →

Rejected with Love

Posted by BlackWidower on

Allow me to tell you a story. After my recent hand injury, and subsequent surgery, which I still haven’t fully recovered from, I decided to try to submit my latest work of fiction, With Rainbow Hair, which only had two chapters at the time, to the world-famous brony blog, Equestria Daily.

Why? Well, because it’s the first story I’ve written with no romantic plot or sub-plot. And they have some rule against what they call ‘foalshipping.’ I’m pretty sure that means romance involving the younger members of the cast. Yes, all my other stories do contain romance involving at least one the famous Cutie Mark Crusaders. Why? Because it seems more interesting that way. In A Waking Dragon it’s a minor sub-plot, but it’s there.

I did submit My Little Destiny back in the day. But I never got a response, and since I learned of that rule, I never bothered submitting again, given future plot points.

Now, some may think this restriction on Equestria Daily, the banning of ‘foalshipping’ material on their site, constitutes censorship. I’ve seen quite a few people make this accusation. But I call bullshit!

It is a bit unfair that the most popular site, and pseudo central hub for all things brony, would make random and pointless restrictions on their content. After all, whether the romance involves Rarity or Sweetie Belle, what difference does it make from a moral perspective? But at the end of the day, it’s their site, and they can do what they want. They’re a private business, not a publicly owned institution.

That’s not to say we can’t criticize such action, we can. But calling it ‘censorship’ is just insane. After all, they don’t publish the material. They don’t host anything. In fact all they do is promote fan fiction. It has to be hosted on other sites, like FiMFiction, or the Pony Fiction Archive. If someone really wants to read ‘foalshipping’ material, they can go to those sites, or any other.

It’s the free market at work people!

But anyway, With Rainbow Hair doesn’t feature any shipping. Not even a little. So, that fact, combined with my incredible writing skills, made me think I was a shoe-in to get promoted on Equestria Daily. I’d get so much traffic, I’d be able to bathe in it. Maybe even some critical responses that would get me to think about certain plot-points. And more fans, motivating me to keep on writing!

How great would that have been!? Well It would have been fantastic. If only I actually got accepted.

No, they actually turned me down, and it made me angry. Not at Equestria Daily. They have a standard they want to keep and I salute them for it. No, the people I’m angry at are all the people who lied to me. Continue reading →

Unicorn’s End: “Magical Mystery Cure” review

Posted by BlackWidower on

…I am not happy.

I am not thrilled, or amused in the slightest.

I think the only word I could use to describe my current outlook is: disappointment.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Today was the day the bronies have been waiting for. For something I already commented on a few weeks ago. Today was the third season finale of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, where Twilight Sparkle evolves into Princess Twilight Sparkle, after her friends use the Harmony Stone on her.

Honestly, I was kinda looking forward to this, because given the summary we were treated to, it seemed interesting. The whole ‘switching cutie mark’ thing felt like it would go in an interesting direction. And… well… It did, but in a way that made me very angry.

This is gonna take a while to explain. Continue reading →

Olympic-Sized Fuck-up: “Games Ponies Play” review

Posted by BlackWidower on

One of the things I love about My Little Pony is the world building. There’s a lot to the land of Equestria. The locations, the mythology, and the political systems feel quite fleshed out and developed. So much so that Hasbro actually released a full map of Equestria. A map that’s full of inconsistencies.

Map of Equestria

I bring this up because the fact that it can be full of inconsistencies just proves my point. Equestria has been so fleshed out that we all have a pretty common and complete vision of how the land of Equestria is structured, headcanon notwithstanding. And almost every episode has only made it fuller.

…at least, it did in the first two seasons.

For season three, the world building simply hasn’t been as interesting or well done. It’s still there, but it feels half-assed. For starters, there was The Crystal Empire, which was probably the most boring episode, featuring the most boring villain in the entire series: Sombra. It just felt like it’s been done before, especially the ending, where the big challenge for Twilight was: walk down a bunch of stairs, then walk up even more stairs. That’s right, when I think pulse-pumping action, I think stairs. No deceptive puzzles, no complex moral tests, just stairs.

For the rest of the series, we got no major extension to the land of Equestria. Or at least none that were interesting.

Okay, that’s not entirely true. We learned that Princess Luna is Dom Cobb, and that there’s a nation called Saddle Arabia, which is cool, I guess.

But at least none of the world building has been bad this season, just boring. If nothing else, boring is better than bad or contradictory or completely ridiculous, which they’ve thankfully avoided this season… UNTIL NOW!!! Continue reading →

Royal Pains: “Magical Mystery Cure” preview

Posted by BlackWidower on

I am a skeptic in every sense of the word. Not just in the traditional sense, scientific skepticism, but in the sense of simply not trusting people at their word, no matter what the context.

Of course that kind of worldview is not easy to maintain. After all, it takes a lot of work to fact check every word said by every politician and public figure. So often, you might not have a choice. You might not have time to run detailed research into, for example, the Bengazi incident, when several american diplomats were killed. You might not have time to look into the death of Aaron Swartz, and find out if the Justice Department pushed him to suicide. So it’s easier to take people at their word.

But sometimes, finding the truth is not that hard. All it requires is two minutes of thinking to get to something close to the truth.

For instance, take the statements made by Todd “Legitimate Rape” Akin, just last year. Anyone with half a brain knows what he was saying makes absolutely no sense. How could the human body identify the type of situation it finds itself in? And even if it could, why would the human race evolve a method to stop the passing on of our genes? It would be a good thing for the woman, but not humanity at large, and that’s what evolution prefers to benefit.

Then we have another issue: Women in the military. Specifically, front-line combat positions. The counter argument to this is that it damages unit cohesion, or that woman cannot possibly carry their comrades off the battlefield like men can. Think about this for ten seconds and you’ll see how ridiculous this is. First of all, damages unit cohesion? That men and women cannot get along and be just friends? At some point they’re going to have sex? That’s asinine. I’ll tell you this much, some of my best friends have vaginas, and I never banged any of them. It never seemed needed. And as for physical strength, I can tell you from personal experience that’s bullshit. My prom date back in high school was a giant. She would have no problem carrying her comrades off the battlefield, let me tell you.

See, with a bit of thinking, you can arrive at the truth pretty quickly. And it’s this technique that got me to an unsettling realization when the latest news on My Little Pony dropped earlier this week.

Um... what!?

You see, it appears that in this season’s final episode Twilight Sparkle will grow wings get coronated as a Princess. And it didn’t take me long to realize that this could be very… very… very racist. Continue reading →

Adventures in Pet Sitting: “Just for Sidekicks” review

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I think Spike may be my favourite character on My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

Recent episodes aside, he’s shown himself to be reliable and trustworthy. If a little oblivious. He cares for those around him, and is always willing to help.

But of course he’s still a dragon, which comes with its own problems. Dragon instincts don’t fly well with the society in which Spike currently resides. Immense greed, an overzealous rigidity to a moral code, and a single-minded hunger for gems can cause quite a bit of conflict when surrounded by those who don’t have the same mentality.

What is a dragon to do?

Well, you try to get by the best you can. But obviously it’s not easy to go against your instincts and basic nature… though it would be nice if he actually tried. I bring this up because on this week’s episode, he doesn’t… at all. Continue reading →

Reforming Chaos: “Keep Calm and Flutter On” review

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Ideally, the primary purpose of prison is to rehabilitate and reform criminals so they can one day reenter society. Or at least, that’s the idea. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work out. Often, criminals are released, only to re-offend, somewhere down the line. Even if they seem to have turned over a new leaf.

It’s a sad fact of the criminal justice system. That sometimes, despite our best efforts, some people just can’t be rehabilitated. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. There’s always a chance that even the most hardened criminals can learn how to behave in the outside world. They can learn that it’s wrong to rob, rape and kill. And this week on My Little Pony, Princess Celestia relies on that idea when she releases Discord from his stone prison. Continue reading →

Non-transferable Skills: “Spike at Your Service” review

Posted by BlackWidower on

If you have a job, I must issue you an applause. It must be nice to work, have something to do, and not worry about money too much. I used to have a job, however briefly. Those six weeks I’ve spent working retail I certainly enjoyed, and I wish I could go back, but that’s not happening. I’ve actually spent most of my adult life (since graduating college) unemployed. It’s depressing.

I’d understand if no one wants to give me a break and a chance to prove myself. But I already proved myself, and I think I did a good job…that is, if you ignore my last day, which I shall. So why can’t I get a job? I have the skills, I know modern point-of-sale systems, I know how to sell. Just recently I was at the local pharmacy, and the cashier didn’t know how to use a gift card. Apparently it was her second day, and her trainer was occupied. So, I walked her through it. I knew exactly what to do, just by looking at the screen.

I never lost these skills, and I never will. I can’t! In spite of the fact that I don’t apply them in my daily life today.

Which is why I find the latest episode of My Little Pony so odd, as young Spike forgets every skill he’s ever had, the very moment he starts to work for Applejack. Continue reading →