In the Grimdark Future, There Is Only Ponies: “It Ain’t Easy Being Breezies” review

Equestria might have the most unstable ecosystem in all of fiction.

I say this because of several reasons: Like how dependant the local weather is on Rainbow Dash and the Ponyville weather team, how dependant the local wildlife are on Fluttershy’s care and attention, and how dependant the entire solar system is on Princess Celestia (which is bizarre on so many levels).

It’s ponies that have to ensure the autumn leaves fall off before winter, and that the snow is cleared before summer. They also have to create clouds so rain happens, and you’ll notice that Fluttershy rarely seems to care for any domestic animals. No, she cares for wild animals, who should be able to take care of themselves!

I asked it before, and I’ll ask it again: “How the hell did life evolve on this rock!?”

I have a theory: Basically, it wasn’t always like this. But an indeterminate time ago, some great disaster happened that destabilized the ecosystem and tidally locked the planet. Clouds couldn’t form, rain didn’t come, plants died off, and half the planet cooked.

Then they started controlling the weather by manually creating clouds, and they used magic to manually turn the planet. It all makes sense when you think about it.

But that doesn’t explain a more recent oddity on this show. Which I’ll sum up by saying: What the fuck are Breezies, and what are they doing!?

Yes, Breezies. Previously mentioned a few episodes earlier, they finally have plot significance, as they make their way through Ponyville with a shit-ton of pollen. Why do they have a shit-ton of pollen and what are they going to do with it? Why do you ask so many questions!?

Yeah, this is never actually explained. All we know is that the Breezies are an insect-like race from another universe, who open a portal, come here, grab some pollen, and leave. And in order to do all this, they need the help of the pegasi, who create a soft breeze which’ll fuel their magic and protect them.

And I do mean a soft breeze. Too strong, and they’ll be torn apart by the gusts, because they’re just that fragile.

Okay, I’m gonna sound like a jerk here, but I don’t care. Just let them fucking die! If they can be killed by any wind stronger than a light breeze, I think it’s nature’s way of saying their time is up. And it’s not like they’re doing anything with the pollen except taking it home. What do they need it for anyway? Is it a food source? I doubt it, I’m pretty sure pollen doesn’t have much nutrient value. Which might be why they’re so fucking fragile.

Hell, they’re so fragile they can be thrown off course by the light reflected off Rarity’s dress.

Then again, I’m pretty sure those aren’t sequins, but a series of prototype photonic amplifiers for some self-sustaining energy system, given the fact that it’s actually brighter than the sun.

Oh, they can also be thrown off course by ponies cheering too loud, or by a fucking leaf getting in the way.

Oh, that’s not sarcasm, that actually happens.

Yeah, you thought I was joking didn’t ya!?

And not only are they thrown off course, they’re thrown off-balance, and every single one of them starts spinning out of control!

Okay, unless they’re trying to get that leaf sent off, let them die.

But no, Fluttershy refuses! She flies over and saves every single one of them. And they are quite grateful.

In fact, they’re so grateful, they don’t want to go home. Well, except for their de facto leader, Seabreeze, who’s also the only one who can speak Equestrian, even though they can all understand it. Which is something I don’t get. How can you understand a language, and not be able to speak it? I guess it’s a brain thing. The ability to speak, and the ability to understand are stored in two separate areas. But surely, if you understand the words, you’d be able to repeat them!

I don’t know. Oh, and before anyone says something like: Oh, it’s just how they did it in the TV show, stop overanalyzing! I’ve actually seen this in real life. People who understand English, but can’t speak it. It’s bizarre.

Anyway, Seabreeze is the only one who wants to get home as soon as possible, but the others are pretty content to stay with Fluttershy. I guess they hate their families just as much as I hate mine! It’s understandable.

You know, this is actually the most confusing part of the episode: It’s not entirely clear why the Breezies are so content to stay. Fluttershy claims it’s because the wipeout from earlier caused some emotional trauma and they need to recover. But given the urgency, you’d think they’d want to move past this as quickly as possible.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: What urgency? Well, the urgency caused by the fact that the portal to their homeworld is closing in about two days. Which is why Seabreeze is so impatient, and upset, and sweary. I completely understand! He’s completely in the right!

They can’t wait around and risk getting stranded in Equestria! Why are they so keen to stick around and waste time!?

However, that doesn’t explain why, at one point, àpropos of nothing, just as Fluttershy is about to get them to leave, he calls them all idiots. I think he was just being a dick at this point.

Eventually, his frustration with all the delays finally gets to him, and he decides to head home on his own.

And because the Breezies suck that much, he loses control and gets thrown off course, passing by a Doctor Who reference while he’s at it.

You know, I said before that I wanted to see more overt Doctor Who references on this show… Yeah, I take that back. I don’t know what I was thinking. That was stupid. I know it’s just a minor thing, but seeing it makes my brain melt. It just makes me think they’re saying, “Hey, remember the season two finale of Doctor Who? Wasn’t that great?” And it was just… for no reason! And yeah, it was great! They got rid of the irritating chunk of stupid! It was fantastic! Too bad they decided to bring her back! …Twice! But why are you bringing it up!?

You know, maybe I’ll just watch that instead!

No, I have to finish the damn episode. And I have to do it while angry now!

So, Seabreeze gets flown off course, and straight into a beehive.

And the thing I think some people forget about bees, is that their only attack is of a kamikaze-grade. If they sting you, they’re gonna die soon. Which is why they only attack if they’re about to die anyway, or their colony is threatened.

And in this case, sure, their colony is technically threatened, but he only punched a tiny hole in the wall, and he’s leaving, and he’s a fucking Breezie! He couldn’t cause any more damage if he tried.

But you know, the bees, they end up bringing out the fucking stingers, all ready to attack him, because a single tiny hole means their lives aren’t worth living any more!

… This is stupid!

But thankfully, Fluttershy arrives to try to stop them from being stupid, but they continue to be stupid, until she ends the diplomatic approach, and finally tells them to straight-up fuck off!

And with Seabreeze and Fluttershy finally alone, they have a quick heart-to-heart, as she realizes just how dangerous Equestria is to them, and she can’t waste any more time getting them home. And Seabreeze laments the fact that no one listens to him, despite the fact that he’s literally the smartest Breezie in the room and the rest of them are idiots! So Fluttershy suggests he try not being a dick!

And this is a really good lesson, and one I’m still trying to get into my own fucking head. It’s very difficult to be nice when you’re surrounded by idiots. But it’s important. You don’t persuade people by shouting at them. Think of all the times you’ve had your mind changed, or your views shifted. Was someone shouting at you and calling you an idiot while this was happening? I highly doubt it. It’s more likely that someone was being diplomatic, and reasonable. Maybe throwing in a few jokes while they were at it. I know I was introduced into skepticism through Penn and Teller: Bullshit!. A show which never insulted the people who fell for the titular bullshit, like ghosts and psychics. Instead they insulted the people who were making money off it. I never felt insulted while watching that show, I felt enlightened. And perhaps that’s why I’m a skeptic. Because they knew how to sell it, and it wasn’t by yelling.

And on that note, Phil Plait did a great talk on this back in 2010. I highly recommend it!

But then, Seabreeze brings up the bees, whom Fluttershy was not so nice too. But in that case, someone’s life was at risk, and the bees started the dickishness.

Then Fluttershy’s eyes glow with rainbows (huh, where have we seen yadda yadda yadda), and she decides to evict the Breezies.

I still don’t understand why their eyes glow. Can someone explain that to me?

And so the Breezies start to head home and of course the episode ends and… what? It’s not over? Oh no, apparently we need to end the episode on a stupid gimmick instead. You see, since the migratory group is so small, riding the breeze is much more difficult for them. So Twilight comes up with a plan to expand their numbers.

That’s right, a transformation spell! It turns them into Breezies! Which I should feel bitter about, since it was my idea first! But I don’t care, since it seems pretty cool in principle. But it makes me wonder what the limits are, and whether we’ll have one of those turns-out-she-wasn’t-actually-a-pony moments with a character. And hey, now no one can say the transformation spell in My Little Destiny was a stupid idea!

So now they’re all Breezies. Which is great, because it turns out six was the exact number of Breezies they needed to round out the flock. Yeah, it’s less than half the size of the original swarm, but the extra six is all that’s needed. What are the odds?

So yeah, they cross Equestria, and arrive at a hole in a cliff face, and emerge in the land of the Breezies.

And we finally see why Seabreeze was so anxious to get back home: He’s married with a kid!

Yeah, I think his frustration is even more justified now. In fact, I think he was being way too nice.

And just as the portal is about to close behind them, Seabreeze gives Fluttershy a flower glowing with rainbows, which we’ll obviously see again, the girls leave, turn back into ponies, and go home. And that entire ending sequence was kinda pointless. I honestly don’t think it added anything to the story, and it felt a bit gimmicky. Like it was just an excuse to get us to see our heroes transformed into Breezies, and to get a view of the Breezie homeworld. But it also didn’t take anything away, and was ultimately harmless, so I’ll let it pass.

And as for the episode overall? Kinda weird.

I really liked the overall lesson, as I’ve already explained. But I don’t really understand what exactly the overall purpose was. How exactly do the Breezies fit into Equestria’s ecosystem? Do they even fit at all?

When the Crystal Ponies were introduced, it was explained that they ‘spread hope and love all over Equestria.’ Which is nebulous to the point of meaninglessness, but it was something. The Breezies have nothing!

We don’t even know why they left their homeworld to gather the damn pollen! Especially considering the journey was so harrowing for them! Maybe I can offer a suggestion: They use the pollen to power the sun! They actually don’t live in a parallel universe, the portal leads straight into the centre of the sun! And the pollen is needed to prevent the sun from dying!

I know what you’re thinking: That sounds stupid. But it’s something, dammit! Right now they have nothing! And given the fact that the Breezies have antennae that glow in the dark, and their homeworld looks like… that. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that it really was the centre of the sun. Seems plausible enough to me!

And I still don’t understand why they didn’t want to go home, since the group, when they finally arrived, seemed quite happy to see their families.

But other than that little plot hole, and the bigger plot void, the episode held up exceedingly well. It was well written, and well thought-out, and I loved it! Can’t really think of any major complaints… that I hadn’t already listed. Well, the opening was shit, but I’ve learned that a shit opening seems to be par for the course on this show. So I just accept it. I’m used to it now.

Wait a minute. Am I being paranoid, or is that ‘don’t be a dick’ message directed specifically at me?

… Well, fair enough.


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