24 Hours with the Right Bauer

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We are 14 hours into the eighth season of what has to be my hands down favourate show on television: 24. Now, it’s easy to criticize 24, the predictable nature, the reused plot lines, the blatant fan service, but I personally don’t care, because all I see is some kick-ass action set against a backdrop of awesome. I remember when 24 first premiered, I thought it was stupid. “Jack Bauer has 24 hours to stop a murder, and save his family,” the promo went. I thought, “Okay, that’s the first episode, then what?” Because I was not used to the idea of real time, most TV shows tend to cover a day or a week in one episode, and I had no reason to suspect 24 was any different. In fact I remember an episode of ER when one character said they had five minutes to do something, and I started timing it…ten minutes later I’m like “what the fuck!?” It pissed me off at the time, so when my mom mentioned 24 was in real time, I was like, “Son of a bitch! When’s it on!?” And I’ve been hooked ever since.

But as I said, it’s easy to criticize, and this season is susceptible to it more than any other, specifically with the reusing of plot-lines, the only thing that has really changed is the location (see Day 7). The threat in the early episodes was the assassination of a major political figure (see Day 1), then it quickly shifted to the acquisition of nuclear materials which can easily be converted into a bomb (Day 2, 4 and 6). Then there’s the past three episodes where we see the terrorist give the president an “out” by making certain demands, (Day 3, 5 and 7) the president is betrayed by someone within his/her administration, (Day 2, 5 and 7) a mole is revealed in CTU (Day 1, 4, 5 and 7 (FBI counts)) and an attack is made on CTU (Day 2, 5 and 6). I assume this all means they are running out of ideas, or this season is meant to be a greatest hits package because as sad as it is for me to say this, this might be the last season of 24. Continue reading →

Earth Needs A Whole Hour?

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So, once again an annual tradition among environmental nuts takes off. Earth Hour, for those who don’t know, takes place every year, last Saturday of March, at 8:30 for one hour, when people turn off their lights. Not everyone participates, street lights stay on, businesses keep their lights on unless they like being robbed, but the general idea is: turn off your lights to save on greenhouse gas emmissions. Continue reading →

Who the Crap Would Watch the Watchmen?

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In 1985, Alan Moore released what is considered by many to be one of the greatest superhero comics of all time: Watchmen. A story about five ass-kicking pricks wearing costumes (for no apparent reason), and one actual superhero in an alternate history 1985 where Nixon just won his 5th term in office after the repeal of the 22nd Amendment, and the Cold War is even more tense then it was in the actual 1985, with the suspicion that it’s only a matter of time before the bombs drop.

Now, as for myself, I’m not much of a comic book fan. The reason is, I have always found something wrong with reading stories or watching movies out of order, and considering most major comic book series are almost fifty years old, it would take me at least a decade and several hundred dollars to catch up, and that’s if I ignore eating and sleeping. Of course I could just say fuck it and start reading Spider-man comics now, but that would feel like starting War and Peace at chapter 37 (I don’t know how many chapters are in War and Peace but I assume it’s more than 37) instead of the beginning, and then when one of the characters say something like: Hey, remember that time- I’ll get pissed and rip the book in half because I don’t remember that time. It’ll feel like the book hates me for getting into the story so late. Damn me and my not being born until the ’80s.

Thankfully, Watchmen skirts around this little problem by having the entire story, including all the backstory, take place in one book. There are not fifty years worth of issues to go through, everything is in this one single tome. So after reading the book and watching the movie I know everything there is to know about the everything in the Watchmen universe, and considering I now know everything I think I can make a pretty accurate judgement of the Watchmen…I want to say franchise but considering it’s one book that’s not exactly accurate…STORY! The Watchmen story, and that judgement is…it sucks. Continue reading →

Portal 2, About Fucking Time!

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Last week a new update to the classic Valve title Portal was released. For those who don’t know, Portal was a first-person puzzler, A unique genre, that revolved around the concept of Portals and was first released two-and-a-half years ago. For those of you who have never played Portal, I suggest you do so, or at the very least play the free demo available on Steam, or play the game that kinda sorta inspired Portal, Narbacular Drop. It maintains the same game play mechanics and was made by the same people but has a completely different story.

Anyway, I’m a big fan of Portal for one major reason: I wish it was real. I know that sounds odd, but it’s true, and that is why I think the best games are ones that people wish were real, that’s why I love Myst so much, because I wish I could visit other worlds that easily, and why I wish someone could come up with a really good game involving time travel, because time travel is awesome, and why I wish I had a Portal gun. Though one must use it responsibly.

There are other reasons I love Portal, but really, they come secondary. Continue reading →

The Olympic Gods Must Be Pissed

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Every two years, like clockwork, the same thing happens. Two weeks are set aside for a bunch of people from around the world to gather in one city, chosen seven years before the event actually takes place, and compete in a series of athletic events. Because…why the fuck not? Continue reading →

Tom Clancy Doesn’t Know NetFrak

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Okay, maybe that’s a little harsh.

So approximately ten years ago I was on a trip to Sault Ste. Marie, Michigan with my mommy at the local casino so she could gamble and I could loiter in the hotel. At the in-house gift store I spotted a copy of NetForce, a Tom Clancy novel which caught my eye because I recently saw the made-for-TV movie of the same name and I enjoyed it. So I bought the novel, but me being ten years younger and ten years stupider than I currently am, I could not get through the first chapter. It wasn’t until recently, after going up into storage and pulling out a bunch of old books that I never finished, that I finally got around to reading it. Continue reading →

The End of The Tenth Doctor

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So a new end to a new season of a new era of Doctor Who has come and gone, and with it the Tenth Doctor, David Tennant. He’s had a good run, and now it has come to an end. It makes me kinda sad, especially since he didn’t really receive a good send-off.

Now, Doctor Who is one of my favourite science fiction shows and it is the definition of classic. Doctor Who pioneered technobabble and is possibly the longest running television show ever. The original series lasted for 26 seasons from 1963 to 1989, saw seven different actors playing The Doctor, accompanied by 28 different companions of all shapes, sizes and species.

I never got a chance to see much of the original series, but I have seen every episode of the new series and the 1996 TV movie. All in all I like it. The show’s science is among the softest I have ever seen, but it works. That’s the beauty of fiction, it’s all made up so the writers can do what they want, and they have proved they are experts at making things up, especially when it’s in the name of fan service. Continue reading →

A Fear of Fear of Flying

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Christmas Day, 2009. A man attempts to blow up Northwest Airlines Flight 253 somewhere over what I’m guessing was Southern Ontario with a package of pentaerythritol tetranitrate strapped to his crotch. The bomb failed, he only succeeded in burning his cock off and thankfully the passengers noticed this, put out the fire, and stopped him from hurting anyone else.

So of course this is a non-issue. No one got hurt, the attack failed. The only reason to talk about it is if you want to over-exaggerate and say that it’s horribly horrendous that a terrorist was even allowed near the plane. However it seems the news media is reacting as if the attack was successful. I think this might be getting more ink than Air India Flight 182 did in it’s day. You know Flight 182, probably not by name so I’ll refresh your memory. It was the last successful bombing of an aeroplane (that I know of) back in 1985. (9/11 wasn’t really a bombing, it was a steering-a-plane-into-a-building.)

So what is the TSA’s response to what I would call a victory? Increase security and treat it like a failure.

So I figure now would be a good time to make fun of the airline industry and the TSA, and tell them why they suck. Continue reading →