Hoarders: Ponyville Edition

I’m loving the new season of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. It has been a great source of comedy and catharsis. By that I mean the continual subversion of fan-created ideas. I love it when people are taken down a peg, myself included.

This week, we discover the details of the dragon aging process. Specifically that their physical age is directly proportional to their wealth, and the older they get, the greedier they get. It’s quite a vicious cycle, which I assume peaks at a certain point. So this means all those fan writers who portrayed Spike in the future as a big-ass dragon, got it wrong.

Then again, it’s not their fault. They had no reason to presume otherwise.

This week’s episode opens with Spike admiring his birthday dinner a week before his birthday. A Fireruby, which he’s been “aging” for months, and is almost “ripe”. I didn’t think gemstones could do that. After all, they’re not organic.

Rarity arrives to ask Twilight for a book. She notices the Fireruby and begins to admire its beauty. So, Spike, noticing this, decides to give it to her. Funnily enough, it’s shaped like a heart.

It’s an odd gesture I think. He’s likely been looking forward to eating it for months, so it would have been one hell of a treat. Also, it looks pretty valuable. So to just give it away that easily seems a bit unusual. But then again, I’m likely just a selfish bastard.

Of course, then again, it’s likely he was expecting sex out of the whole thing. After all, it did appear as if Rarity was trying to seduce him. Either that or she was trying to seduce the Fireruby. I’m not sure if I should hate her for that.

A week later, it’s Spike’s birthday, and all the peeps arrive. Well, the six main peeps. The rest remain off-screen, probably because they don’t like him.

Rarity arrives, featuring the Fireruby set in a gold necklace around her neck, very appreciative about the gesture. Everyone got him a gift, which surprises Spike because normally he only receives one gift: a book from Twilight. So he’s never had a major haul like he gets this year. After hitting the town and getting a sapphire cupcake from the Cakes, and a kick ass fedora from Cheerilee, he begins to tell everyone he meets that it’s his birthday, and expects to get a present each time. The first time he gets a ball; the second time he gets rejected by Junebug, a one-shot background pony, and scolded by Twilight, who happens to catch him doing it.

Spike realises what he’s doing and says he will return all that he was given, including the fedora. I disagree, he should keep the fedora. Seriously, fedoras are awesome! That one especially, because it has a feather in it.

Anyway, immediately after Twilight leaves, Spike begins laughing maniacally. I think we all know why.

The next morning Twilight wakes to find Spike buried under a pile of crap, twice his normal size, and grabbing everything in sight to put on the pile.

You know, I know it’s already been established that dragons normally keep a haul of gold and gems, but I assumed that was mostly for eating. It was simply a stockpile of food.

Now the biggest difference between most dragon hauls, and Spike’s, is Spike’s pile is composed of pointless crap. A football, a globe, a book, a kitchen sink. Have you ever seen Sanford and Son? Well it appears Spike’s well on his way to owning his own salvage yard. It’s basically the definition of low rent. I assume most dragons have a more discerning taste, which is why in other episodes featuring dragons, all they had were gems and/or gold. Not a bag full of empty toilet paper rolls.

This is what bugs me about this episode, Spike isn’t greedy, he’s a compulsive hoarder. The greedy tend to want valuable things, not useless tchotchkes.

After Zecora explains the dragon aging process, Spike ends up going on a rampage around town.

Actually that is another problem, shouldn’t Twilight already know about the dragon aging process? She is Spike’s mommy, shouldn’t she have read a book on dragon care before reading “the Art of the To Do List” for the 12th time? Wouldn’t she have learned about this a lot sooner!? This shouldn’t be obscure knowledge for someone who owns a dragon! It’s like someone being shocked that their cat has claws! Also, this is Twilight Sparkle, resident bookworm! Her expertise is in reading and studying random crap! She should have ran across this at some point!

Anyway, Spike begins trying to steal Scootaloo’s scooter and Twilight’s books; before stealing Applejack’s apples and leaves right off the tree, Fluttershy’s chicken coop, Pinkie Pie’s cakes, and finally Rarity’s…um…self. Cue Gojira/King Kong references.

The Wonderbolts arrive to do…um…something. I’m still not sure what their role is exactly. Before they seemed to be a flight demonstration squadron like the Snowbirds, but last week they were racing each other, and now this week they tried to fight off a rampaging dragon. It’s confusing.

Then Rarity chews Spike out before talking about how Spike gave her the Fireruby a week earlier. See, she didn’t know they are one in the same. Spike remembers his act of generosity and deages…youthifies…dematures…something.

Unfortunately this happens at a bad time, and as the two are falling to their deaths, Spike begins to tell Rarity that he has a crush on her, but Rarity stops him mid-sentence and smiles. This tells me she already knew, possibly for some time. Which means she probably knew when Spike gave her the Fireruby, and therefore, she likely knew the best method to get it was by seducing him, which she does. I’m really starting to hate Rarity. I think the last two episodes were written by a man who hates women, and decided to portray Rarity as a walking stereotype.

You know, her primary trait is supposed to be generosity, so she shouldn’t have needed to be “inspired” by Spike to be generous. In fact, she should have rejected Spike’s generosity, or at least been more hesitant to accept it. For instance:

Rarity: Oh, Spike! I can’t accept this!
Spike: Oh, please, I was just going to eat it. I’m sure you’ll get much more use out of it. Besides, I can always get another one.
Rarity: Oh! Um…thank you. [kisses Spike on the cheek]

See, writers! That is how you make Rarity not a bitch!

Next week: the Christmas episode!


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