Once again, I get a little introspective on here. Decide to write about myself, and not anything you care about. So if this doesn’t interest you, may I suggest my posts on Atheism, or Cloverfield. Also there’s this game called Alpha Centauri that you should certainly look into pirating. There’s more on this blog then the latest, just wanted you to know.
So here I was, up late at night because I didn’t feel like sleeping, and Conan was on. He was talking to Edmund Morris, a historian who wrote three tomes on Theodore Roosevelt: Author, Explorer, Historian, Scientist, Exercise Nut, and two-term President of the United States. He read at four pages a minute, had a photographic memory, and an extensive knowledge of foreign cultures. He was a great man, who accomplished much…and what am I?
Here’s the thing, I’m 24. By now, most people have already begun their lives…I haven’t. I guess you can say I’m late to the game. I’m unemployed, single, and I’m not even 100 per cent sure where I want to go with my life.
There’s so little I’ve done, and I’m convinced I’m going to run out of time to do it. The morning after that episode of Conan I woke up with weird leg cramps and chest pains. I call my mom because I’m not sure how serious it is, and she rushes me to the ER because she thought I was having a heart attack. Turns out it was just a virus, but it scared the shit out of me. If I died, how would people remember me? As the asshole who graduated College and never did anything with that damn diploma. Or the asshole who kept on talking about that radio show he wanted to do but never did.
I might not be so bothered by this if I didn’t have so much planned in my life that I never did. If I never wanted to do anything and did nothing, it doesn’t matter. But the problem is: my past aspirations don’t match up with my current accomplishments. What precisely am I talking about? Well let’s talk about that.
It was a while ago when I determined my number one aspiration to be a science fiction novelist. But in order to do that, one has to actually write something. There are a couple of ideas I have, the one about a starship that ends up disabled in the middle of a dark empty void, the one where a large fraction of planet Earth gains superpowers, the one about humanity escaping a dying universe, and the one about an alien who visits Earth long after humanity has died off. They’re all good ideas…I think, but the question is: Why haven’t I even begun writing them?
I had a plan to write a chapter a week and post them online. Even created a site for it, and so far it’s blank. I wrote one paragraph and I’m pretty sure it’s no good so I’m going to rewrite it. This was supposed to start at the beginning of the year! We’re three months in! That means I should have written twelve chapters by now, each 500 to 1000 words long. Also, this is just one book. I have plans for dozens!
Learning a language other than English might seem easy for many. After all, in most countries learning a second language is part of the school curriculum, and Canada is no exception. We all are supposed to learn French, unless one is from a French school, where I assume they learn English but it’s likely they learn nothing. But as for me, I never paid attention in French class, nor have I ever actively tried to learn anything in that class beyond what I needed to pass the test.
But even if I was fluent in French, it wouldn’t help me now, because for the past several years, there have been four languages I have wanted to learn: Japanese, Latin, C and Python.
I want to learn Japanese so I can watch Anime without subtitles, plus I would love to spend a year in Japan and not everyone there knows English so it would help to know the native language. Latin I wanted to learn for curiosity’s sake, it’s a really old language and has influenced many others, giving me insight into how language develops, which could influence how I write about language in my science fiction works. Finally I want to learn C and Python (both computer languages in case you were confused) so I can write some damn code.
I once had a chance to learn C in high school. After I learned Visual Basic in high school I was given the opportunity to take the next step and learn C, so I signed up for the course but apparently no one else wanted to learn it so the class was cancelled. I’m still pissed off about that and it is one of the many reasons I have so little respect for my fellow-man.
Since then I’ve tried to learn these languages on my own, and it’s been difficult. I bought books, CDs, a DS game, and the problem is simple: I just can’t stay focused. I wish I could but for some reason I start my education, then a few days later, I forget to move on to the next lesson. Then by the time I remember to start again, I forgot all I learned up until that point and have to start over. Such a vicious and unproductive cycle.
If I had someone to teach me this, it would be easier, primarily because I’d have someone other than myself to disappoint when I fail.
Make a Podcast
This is an old idea. I call it the CounterHive, which sounds like a shitty name, but that’s only because it is. The name comes from the goal of trying to counteract a hive mentality.
The premise is simple: Get a bunch of random people together to talk about the news of the week, each with differing opinions. The goal is to get as many dissenting opinions out there as possible so people are aware of both sides. I always find that every time I see an issue discussed, the presentation is always a bit one-sided, or both sides refuse to make concessions, which seems reasonable but then you don’t have a debate, you just have two people yelling at each other.
I don’t think this would be difficult to pull off. All I would need is four microphones and a computer with a kick-ass sound card. Plus some friends willing to take part. The problem is, once again, I keep putting it off. My original plan was to get it on a terrestrial radio station, but I don’t see any local station willing to broadcast this idea. Especially since it’s so unfocused.
I’ve got a few more ideas that are a little more focused. Like the one about horror films. But the point still stands.
Music is something I love. I love listening to it, and making it seems equally as fun. At one time I was learning guitar, I still know a bit, and I still have a guitar, and I would practice on it, but it’s broken.
I’ve considered learning the harmonica, in fact I have one, but I have no idea how to play it. I figure it would be easy to learn because it’s so compact and I can practice it anywhere. But the problem is, I doubt I will. If all the rest of my life is any indication.
Learn to Fly
Several years ago I bought Microsoft Flight Simulator 2002, and I have had quite a fun time with it, especially since I bought a joystick for it. I don’t care what anyone says, that program is useless without a joystick.
So if Flight Simulator is any indication, actual flying should be pretty fun, and I’m sure I can use it to pick up chicks. If you ask me, this one seems attainable, if I can get the money to pay for lessons. It’s not something you can teach yourself. So the only major obstacle to this goal is monetary, which can be easily alleviated if I…
Get a Job
There are two reasons to remain employed: Number one: You get money. Number two: You have a reason to wake up in the morning. The second point is a big reason for me.
I’ve been searching high and low for employment, but unfortunately, haven’t gotten a single callback. One day I applied at three different business who I know were all hiring, and no one called me back…It’s getting frustrating. The biggest reason for this I can think of is: I’m overqualified for retail. Well I do have a college diploma so that could be it. Who would have thought a college diploma would be a deficit rather than an asset?
But from what I can tell, even positions I’m qualified for don’t want me, though that could just be the one position I actually applied for, but considering it’s the only one I could find… Plus, I’m not sure I want to work in an office, which is what I would be doing.
I want to work with people, and that means retail, waiting tables, or something of that nature, and apparently I’m overqualified for those positions. I could simply omit my college diploma from my resume, but considering most of what little work experience I have is directly related to my college days, I don’t know if that would be a good idea.
However, today, just after writing all that, I finally got a callback, from McDonald’s. It might be fun, and it’s a job. So this one is likely to not be a problem soon.
Read Books, Watch DVDs
I have a huge collection of books and movies, most of which are unread and unwatched…and I keep buying more.
When I was young I loved reading. In fact I read all the time. Nothing like a good book to have a good time, especially science fiction, it’s a chance to get away from boring old reality. But I don’t read as much any more…wish I did. This could be because I haven’t found a lot of time to read. I’m busy doing other things like write a blog.
A more likely explanation is, I’m too lazy and don’t have as much of a desire to read when I can watch videos about pointless shit, or read Cracked.com articles, or watch old TV shows I downloaded and already watched multiple times…like I’m doing now. Damn you Stargate Universe, stop being good!
I have a YouTube account which I never use, perhaps it would be a good idea to use it. Now I will never vlog. Primarily because anything I have to say there can easily be said in text, right here, and it’s easier to edit, and it’s easier for the reader to absorb the information because you can always reread something you didn’t quite get. I don’t need video, and the production value of virtually every vlog out there is somewhere between low and shit. Virtually every laptop has a webcam now so anyone with a laptop automatically thinks they are a video producer. I’m not that idiotic. Though I do have a webcam.
Next, I love music, and whenever I listen to music, I get ideas. I would love to post those ideas on YouTube…or something similar, since YouTube doesn’t want copyrighted music on their site…however other sites don’t mind…weird.
So basically, what I’m saying is, I want to make music videos. I got a few ideas, but they all require multiple people, and finding these people will be difficult. Plus I’m going to need some video cameras, and a tripod, and probably a Johnny Lee Steadicam. But that costs money, and friends, and for some of these ideas, timing is important, like the one that requires rain, or the one that requires snow and night, and probably Christmas decorations.
But some are quite easy and if I can find the people, some of which might have a camera I could borrow, most of these ideas could be done in a day. But, here we are. One of my ideas, a video to Neil Young’s Ohio, I was hoping to have done and released on May 4th of last year because it was the 40th anniversary of the Kent State shootings. But it didn’t happen. Perhaps I could release it on the 41st anniversary, but that’s a month away, and planning and editing will take time. Okay, the 42nd anniversary then…
Perhaps this can all be explained by a handful of reasons.
First there’s my OCD. I don’t like touching things unless they are clean, and cleaning things take time, and I can avoid all that by not touching things at all. How does this apply? Well, if my cat rubs up against something, like a guitar, or if someone else touches it, like an aeroplane cockpit, my dysfunctional brain assumes it’s dirty, and sometimes the reverse is true, if I haven’t taken a shower yet, I don’t want to touch my computer because then it would become dirty, and I would have to clean it. If that sounded crazy, that’s only because it is.
Second, there’s the nirvana fallacy, which I know is a real thing because I saw it on Cracked.com. Some things, like those books I wanted to write, I haven’t started because I don’t know the perfect way to start it. But that means it will never get started, because it’s doubtful I will ever find the perfect way to do anything. I just got to do the best I can, but try telling that to my initiative.
Third, I have no set schedule. I wake up whenever the fuck I feel like, spend the rest of the day doing whatever the fuck I feel like, taking breaks however long the fuck I feel like, and it’s becoming a problem, because I spend eight hours playing Deus Ex before remembering I wanted to update my blog today, and by then it’s so late I want to go to bed and do it tomorrow. That’s why I only post once a month at the end of the month, because it’s the only time I have a fire lit under my ass because I want at least one post a month, and WordPress ends up filing them by month. I want to post more often, but that doesn’t happen.
I need to fix this. Get started on that book, no matter how shit the opening chapter is…I can still rewrite it later, and learn to find ways of getting out there more often. Maybe I can even find a way to cure myself of my OCD. It’s really becoming a pain in the ass.