Rejected with Love

Allow me to tell you a story. After my recent hand injury, and subsequent surgery, which I still haven’t fully recovered from, I decided to try to submit my latest work of fiction, With Rainbow Hair, which only had two chapters at the time, to the world-famous brony blog, Equestria Daily.

Why? Well, because it’s the first story I’ve written with no romantic plot or sub-plot. And they have some rule against what they call ‘foalshipping.’ I’m pretty sure that means romance involving the younger members of the cast. Yes, all my other stories do contain romance involving at least one the famous Cutie Mark Crusaders. Why? Because it seems more interesting that way. In A Waking Dragon it’s a minor sub-plot, but it’s there.

I did submit My Little Destiny back in the day. But I never got a response, and since I learned of that rule, I never bothered submitting again, given future plot points.

Now, some may think this restriction on Equestria Daily, the banning of ‘foalshipping’ material on their site, constitutes censorship. I’ve seen quite a few people make this accusation. But I call bullshit!

It is a bit unfair that the most popular site, and pseudo central hub for all things brony, would make random and pointless restrictions on their content. After all, whether the romance involves Rarity or Sweetie Belle, what difference does it make from a moral perspective? But at the end of the day, it’s their site, and they can do what they want. They’re a private business, not a publicly owned institution.

That’s not to say we can’t criticize such action, we can. But calling it ‘censorship’ is just insane. After all, they don’t publish the material. They don’t host anything. In fact all they do is promote fan fiction. It has to be hosted on other sites, like FiMFiction, or the Pony Fiction Archive. If someone really wants to read ‘foalshipping’ material, they can go to those sites, or any other.

It’s the free market at work people!

But anyway, With Rainbow Hair doesn’t feature any shipping. Not even a little. So, that fact, combined with my incredible writing skills, made me think I was a shoe-in to get promoted on Equestria Daily. I’d get so much traffic, I’d be able to bathe in it. Maybe even some critical responses that would get me to think about certain plot-points. And more fans, motivating me to keep on writing!

How great would that have been!? Well It would have been fantastic. If only I actually got accepted.

No, they actually turned me down, and it made me angry. Not at Equestria Daily. They have a standard they want to keep and I salute them for it. No, the people I’m angry at are all the people who lied to me. Continue reading

Unicorn’s End

…I am not happy.

I am not thrilled, or amused in the slightest.

I think the only word I could use to describe my current outlook is: disappointment.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Today was the day the bronies have been waiting for. For something I already commented on a few weeks ago. Today was the third season finale of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, where Twilight Sparkle evolves into Princess Twilight Sparkle, after her friends use the Harmony Stone on her.

Honestly, I was kinda looking forward to this, because given the summary we were treated to, it seemed interesting. The whole ‘switching cutie mark’ thing felt like it would go in an interesting direction. And… well… It did, but in a way that made me very angry.

This is gonna take a while to explain. Continue reading

Olympic-Sized Fuck-up

One of the things I love about My Little Pony is the world building. There’s a lot to the land of Equestria. The locations, the mythology, and the political systems feel quite fleshed out and developed. So much so that Hasbro actually released a full map of Equestria. A map that’s full of inconsistencies.

Map of Equestria

I bring this up because the fact that it can be full of inconsistencies just proves my point. Equestria has been so fleshed out that we all have a pretty common and complete vision of how the land of Equestria is structured, headcanon notwithstanding. And almost every episode has only made it fuller.

…at least, it did in the first two seasons.

For season three, the world building simply hasn’t been as interesting or well done. It’s still there, but it feels half-assed. For starters, there was The Crystal Empire, which was probably the most boring episode, featuring the most boring villain in the entire series: Sombra. It just felt like it’s been done before, especially the ending, where the big challenge for Twilight was: walk down a bunch of stairs, then walk up even more stairs. That’s right, when I think pulse-pumping action, I think stairs. No deceptive puzzles, no complex moral tests, just stairs.

For the rest of the series, we got no major extension to the land of Equestria. Or at least none that were interesting.

Okay, that’s not entirely true. We learned that Princess Luna is Dom Cobb, and that there’s a nation called Saddle Arabia, which is cool, I guess.

But at least none of the world building has been bad this season, just boring. If nothing else, boring is better than bad or contradictory or completely ridiculous, which they’ve thankfully avoided this season… UNTIL NOW!!! Continue reading

Royal Pains

I am a skeptic in every sense of the word. Not just in the traditional sense, scientific skepticism, but in the sense of simply not trusting people at their word, no matter what the context.

Of course that kind of worldview is not easy to maintain. After all, it takes a lot of work to fact check every word said by every politician and public figure. So often, you might not have a choice. You might not have time to run detailed research into, for example, the Bengazi incident, when several american diplomats were killed. You might not have time to look into the death of Aaron Swartz, and find out if the Justice Department pushed him to suicide. So it’s easier to take people at their word.

But sometimes, finding the truth is not that hard. All it requires is two minutes of thinking to get to something close to the truth.

For instance, take the statements made by Todd “Legitimate Rape” Akin, just last year. Anyone with half a brain knows what he was saying makes absolutely no sense. How could the human body identify the type of situation it finds itself in? And even if it could, why would the human race evolve a method to stop the passing on of our genes? It would be a good thing for the woman, but not humanity at large, and that’s what evolution prefers to benefit.

Then we have another issue: Women in the military. Specifically, front-line combat positions. The counter argument to this is that it damages unit cohesion, or that woman cannot possibly carry their comrades off the battlefield like men can. Think about this for ten seconds and you’ll see how ridiculous this is. First of all, damages unit cohesion? That men and women cannot get along and be just friends? At some point they’re going to have sex? That’s asinine. I’ll tell you this much, some of my best friends have vaginas, and I never banged any of them. It never seemed needed. And as for physical strength, I can tell you from personal experience that’s bullshit. My prom date back in high school was a giant. She would have no problem carrying her comrades off the battlefield, let me tell you.

See, with a bit of thinking, you can arrive at the truth pretty quickly. And it’s this technique that got me to an unsettling realization when the latest news on My Little Pony dropped earlier this week.

Um... what!?

You see, it appears that in this season’s final episode Twilight Sparkle will grow wings get coronated as a Princess. And it didn’t take me long to realize that this could be very… very… very racist. Continue reading

Adventures in Pet Sitting

I think Spike may be my favourite character on My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

Recent episodes aside, he’s shown himself to be reliable and trustworthy. If a little oblivious. He cares for those around him, and is always willing to help.

But of course he’s still a dragon, which comes with its own problems. Dragon instincts don’t fly well with the society in which Spike currently resides. Immense greed, an overzealous rigidity to a moral code, and a single-minded hunger for gems can cause quite a bit of conflict when surrounded by those who don’t have the same mentality.

What is a dragon to do?

Well, you try to get by the best you can. But obviously it’s not easy to go against your instincts and basic nature… though it would be nice if he actually tried. I bring this up because on this week’s episode, he doesn’t… at all. Continue reading

Reforming Chaos

Ideally, the primary purpose of prison is to rehabilitate and reform criminals so they can one day reenter society. Or at least, that’s the idea. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work out. Often, criminals are released, only to re-offend, somewhere down the line. Even if they seem to have turned over a new leaf.

It’s a sad fact of the criminal justice system. That sometimes, despite our best efforts, some people just can’t be rehabilitated. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. There’s always a chance that even the most hardened criminals can learn how to behave in the outside world. They can learn that it’s wrong to rob, rape and kill. And this week on My Little Pony, Princess Celestia relies on that idea when she releases Discord from his stone prison. Continue reading

Non-transferable Skills

If you have a job, I must issue you an applause. It must be nice to work, have something to do, and not worry about money too much. I used to have a job, however briefly. Those six weeks I’ve spent working retail I certainly enjoyed, and I wish I could go back, but that’s not happening. I’ve actually spent most of my adult life (since graduating college) unemployed. It’s depressing.

I’d understand if no one wants to give me a break and a chance to prove myself. But I already proved myself, and I think I did a good job…that is, if you ignore my last day, which I shall. So why can’t I get a job? I have the skills, I know modern point-of-sale systems, I know how to sell. Just recently I was at the local pharmacy, and the cashier didn’t know how to use a gift card. Apparently it was her second day, and her trainer was occupied. So, I walked her through it. I knew exactly what to do, just by looking at the screen.

I never lost these skills, and I never will. I can’t! In spite of the fact that I don’t apply them in my daily life today.

Which is why I find the latest episode of My Little Pony so odd, as young Spike forgets every skill he’s ever had, the very moment he starts to work for Applejack. Continue reading

Apple Family Development

Well, it’s that time of year again. The time where we drop what we’re doing and cross the country (or maybe just the city), to join our friends and family for some joyous holiday celebrations.

I guess most people enjoy spending time with family…I don’t. They’re annoying, insipid, and any time I spend with them, my outlook can be best described as: begrudged. I’d rather spend time with people I actually care about: My friends, or the internet.

For the most part, any special occasion or event is just an excuse to spend time with the people you love: friends and/or family. The events themselves don’t matter.

No one really cares about Christmas…not really. They care about giving/receiving gifts; and spending time with loved ones, talking, catching up, and maybe bonding through a few casual games.

Once you get a bunch of people together in the same room, they tend to make their own fun. You don’t need to plan anything in order for people to have a good time. Bring some food, drinks, maybe some music, and you’re set.

Unfortunately, not everyone realizes this. Many parent try to schedule their kids lives down to the minute. Others plan social events with so much detail, that no one gets any time to sit down, relax and do their own thing.

Which leads me perfectly into this week’s episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, as Applejack organizes this year’s Apple Family Reunion and, as expected, completely messes it up. Continue reading

The Wonderbolt Test

In order to be successful in life, one must first understand what success means to them.

For me, this is easy: I want to become a published novelist. For others it might involve making a shitload of money, or winning some award. But there’s always something they need to aspire to.

Once that’s done, you must then understand how far you’re willing to go.

We all have our limits, things we simply won’t do no matter what the consequences, or what we may get out of it.

Okay, that’s not entirely true. Not everyone has those boundaries. In fact, some don’t have any boundaries. These people are known as psychopaths, and on this week’s episode of My Little Pony, we learn they also exist in Equestria. Continue reading

Fear of Dreaming

Fear is one of those odd things that is hard to understand.

Of course we all understand being afraid. No one wants to get injured or die, so avoiding it, and things that can cause it, sounds like a good idea. But the instinctual response of fear doesn’t always make sense. How does shitting your pants stop a bear from eating you?

Some people freeze when they’re afraid. What’s that about? One would think running like hell would be the appropriate response.

Then you have the truly irrational fears. Fear of ghosts, fear of the boogie man, fear of things that simply do not exist. If I was an evolutionary biologist or anthropologist, I might be able to explain it. But I’m not, so I can’t.

But here’s the most irrational thing about fear: This idea that merely being afraid of something makes you weak. It doesn’t. Being afraid that you’ll fall off a building, that’s rational. Not being afraid you’ll fall off doesn’t make you brave, it makes you stupid…or it means you have really good balance.

Bravery is not simply the lack of fear, it’s the acknowledgement of fear, and the ability to move past it when required to accomplish your goals…whatever they are.

Which ever so subtly brings me to this week’s episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, which is notable for being the first episode, since the show premiered two years ago, devoted to everyone’s favourite neglected pegasus: Scootaloo. Continue reading

Magic, Lies, and Forbidden Amulets

You know what I love? Being proven wrong. It’s fun! It means I’m learning, and today, I certainly learned something.

I said before that I didn’t expect the reappearance of Trixie on this season of My Little Pony, to be any good. After all, the only reason they were doing it was to please the fans, and that typically ends badly. After all, fans don’t know what they want. Fans should just let the creative geniuses behind their favourite properties do their jobs, and not pester them to turn the show into Total Request Pony.

But perhaps I was thinking about this the wrong way. After all, perhaps they didn’t do it simply because the fans asked for it, but in spite of that. Perhaps someone on the staff just had a great idea that required bringing an old villain back. They just decided to roll with it. I like that thought.

I say this because I’m going to completely 180 on my previous stance. You see the reappearance of Trixie is, so far, the best episode of season three. Continue reading

We’re Leavin’ All The Haters Behind

Some people are assholes. Deal with it.

This is a lesson some people take longer to learn than others. Throughout my life, I’ve had to deal with difficult people, whether it be a classmate in college who was arrogant and pretentious, despite the fact that he didn’t have anything to be arrogant about; or the legions of jackasses I had to deal with in high school; or the coworker who yelled at me for trying to help.

These people were jerks. No way to lawyer that. But I had to work with them, so I did, and I found the best way to do that was to start every day anew. Even though we might yell at each other one day, I would not hold it against them the next day. It seemed to be the best way to handle it, because they tended to do the same thing. We would work together, and not hold grudges.

But sometimes, things don’t work out that well. Sometimes the jackass you have to deal with isn’t a coworker or a classmate, but a roommate. Sometimes, they hold a constant grudge against you, and yell at you over the most pointless shit.

This is what I’m dealing with now, a roommate who is loud, rude, arrogant, surly, and obnoxious. Have I tried dealing with this in the traditional way? Yes, I have confronted him on these issues, his response tended to be to deny there was a problem, or to just yell at me and call me a fag.

In these cases, simply trying to refresh every day does nothing…believe me, I’ve tried it. So, what options do I have left? Only one I can think of…

But different people deal with these kinds of things in different ways, and it is a problem one has to deal with, at one point or another, throughout their entire lives. Even the Cutie Mark Crusaders, as we see on this week’s episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Continue reading

Multipinkity

Imagine you had to make a choice, some type of decision that basically came down to: how do you want to spend your time? For instance, you can spend the next two years studying Journalism, Cooking, or IT…I might be projecting there; or you have to choose whether to continue to date a girl you had a crush on for years, or her little sister…I’m actually writing that story.

It seems like this kind of problem could be resolved easily if one could clone themselves. Unfortunately, we are not Michael Keaton in Multiplicity, Arnold Schwarzenegger in The 6th Day, or that kid Carl in that cartoon I haven’t seen and have little desire to.

I’ve always contemplated what that would be like. What if there was another me around? Would we get along, or would I find him as annoying as others find me? More importantly, would he be willing to follow my orders? Doubt that.

But what if you did it? Somehow managed to clone your own ass! Would the results be beneficial, or disastrous? I guess it all comes down to whether you could control them. Something Pinkie Pie fails to do in this week’s episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Continue reading

The Crystal Arc

Oh, yes, it’s that time again! Time for a new season of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, a show which, as I’ve said before, is amazing, despite the title.

Now, I know what you’re going to say: Why would any self-respecting grown man bother watching a television show aimed at little girls?

Well, the answer is simple: because any self-respecting grown man wouldn’t care who the target audience was, as long as the content was entertaining and well-written. That is, assuming they’re not a sexist bigoted prick!

Anyway, since I started getting into the show, it changed my life. Not in any substantially profound way, though, but in a weird way. It inspired me to write some amazing stories (at least I think they’re amazing), and stick with them (unlike that Harry Potter story which I abandoned two chapters in). But more recently, it earned me several new friends.

A few weeks ago, I attended a meet-up with my fellow…er…My Little Pony fans…here in my hometown. We went bowling, chatted and had an all-around merry time. It was great fun for me for several reasons, not the least of which being the fact that until that day, I had no idea that there were any other pony-fans in this city. It was a major discovery, finding a group of people in a location you didn’t think they would exist in.

Which leads me eloquently into the new season premiere, where Brigadoon appears in Northern Equestria. Okay, it’s the long-lost Crystal Empire, but it might as well be Brigadoon! Continue reading

My Little Fanservice

I’ve said it a million times, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is my favourite TV show that hasn’t been cancelled yet. It’s cute, funny, compelling, and has a stellar cast of characters.

The second season closed just a few months ago, and the community hasn’t responded by dying down. Every day, more fan art and fan fiction is posted to Equestria Daily as we all wait in anticipation for season three. I know I’m looking forward to it. This is a show that’s never failed to impress. With 52 episodes and counting, this show has always remained in top form for its entire run, and it’s all credit to the amazing cast and crew. The voice actors, animators, storyboard artists (including Raven M. Molisee, who I accidentally insulted once), and writers are all hard-working and passionate, and responsible for the high quality content we’ve come to expect out of My Little Pony, and I thank all of them for it. I have no doubt it’ll only get better from this moment forward…right? …right!?

Well…no. It seems what we’re likely going to get instead, is the writers jerking off the fans until they come white hot nerd. Allow me to explain: Continue reading

Wedding of the Dead

This week featured a very special episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic: The last episode…of the season!!! It was the last episode of the season and the one we’ve all been waiting for: A Canterlot Wedding!

I’d like to open by giving a few first impressions. I wasn’t expecting much. In fact, I was expecting it to suck. It’s a wedding! What could possibly be that amazing at a wedding!? Plus, I didn’t have that great a week, so my cynicism was in overdrive, and if you know me you probably also know that it should have killed me.

But an hour later, I had a smile on my face that just wouldn’t go away! I was happy, and I wasn’t exactly sure why. Probably because I’m a hopeless romantic!

Though, that is not to say the episode didn’t have its problems. It certainly did. Let’s run through them! Continue reading

C.S.I.: Train to Canterlot

This week on My Little Pony, we witness an interesting phenomenon: The application of critical thinking.

Remember back in season one? The episode Feeling Pinkie Keen was all about Pinkie’s precognitive abilities, and Twilight being extremely skeptical, and continually searching for a more logical explanation, but in the end just accepts it without another thought.

This pissed off a lot of skeptics. She should not have just accepted that Pinkie had superpowers, she should have vehemently denied their existence. Well, I disagree, primarily because the events of the entire episode verified Pinkie’s abilities. The thing about the supernatural is this: Skeptics don’t simply not believe it exists because it doesn’t fit any models of known science. We don’t believe because there’s no evidence that it’s anything more than deception.

If you can prove that you can predict the future, beyond any doubt, and can do it over and over again, I will believe you. It’s easy: just tell me what this week’s Lotto numbers are…and do it more than once to prove it’s not just a fluke. After that, we can work on modifying, adding to, or replacing the various physics models we use, so they fit this new evidence.

Prove there are ghosts, and I’ll willingly throw out the Theory of Relativity!

But still, it pissed off a lot of skeptics, and I guess I can understand. It might send the wrong message to children who wouldn’t see the big picture. But this week, it appears they’re making up for it. When we see Pinkie call up her inner Greg House and learn how to be a bit more skeptical…kinda. Continue reading

Biased and Faulty

The thing about journalism is that it has become kinda shitty in recent years. “If it bleeds, it leads,” is the new adage among many newsrooms, and this has caused many people to either ignore these morons, or take them seriously, and I’m not sure what’s worse.

The role of journalists is to report the truth in the most honest and even-handed way possible. To be fair and accurate, as my old journalism professor put it so many times. Unfortunately, that doesn’t really sell papers, or get ratings, or page hits. Fear, controversy and rage are what get people’s attention, and so that’s what editors tend to push to the front page.

You ever see Moonlight? It premiered a few years ago and only lasted half a season, so it’s okay if you didn’t. Anyway, one of the characters was a reporter for a website called BuzzWire, and when her editor is murdered by a vampire, her replacement says his top priority is getting the story out before anyone else. So, forget fact checking, if it’s wrong they can print a retraction later. What a cunt! This is not the way to do business! At least not ethically!

There was a time when journalism wasn’t about the money, it was about doing the right thing. A company would gain money from other sources and use the profits to fund a media outlet that wasn’t necessarily designed to make a profit. But in recent years, it’s something the shareholders frown upon.

With all that in mind, we move to the latest episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, as the Cutie Mark Crusaders try their hoof at journalism, and learn these ethical principles the hard way. Continue reading

Fluttershy and the Waves

Equestria is an unusual place. I mean excluding the whole ‘sentient ponies’ and ‘living mythological creatures’ thing. What I mean is, it’s unusual because of the jobs certain ponies have. Specifically, the jobs inherently connected to their race.

Now, earth ponies are in charge of managing the animal and plant life in Equestria. Which makes sense to a certain extent, I mean, here on Planet Earth, we have farmers, and pet owners. But generally they don’t bother taking care of wild animal and plant life, because those can take care of themselves.

Unicorns are in charge of raising the sun and moon every day. I wonder when the others pony races are going to clue in that the planets orbit naturally, and if they didn’t, the moon would’ve crashed into the planet long ago. But it’s a good scam they got going on, no wonder they don’t tell anypony the truth. Now, it is possible the planet is tidally locked, so they need to force it to rotate, but it would have to be a lot closer…they must have one hell of an ozone layer.

Finally, the pegasi, who are in charge of the weather. Which actually makes a lot of sense, I mean if we could do it, we so would. We could prevent hurricanes, tornadoes, major ice storms that can take out three provinces at once, and snowstorms during exam time. But this week it’s revealed that they don’t just control it, they need to create it. If they didn’t, the entire planet would likely become a wasteland. How the hell did life evolve on this rock!? Continue reading

Dumbass and Dragons

Don’t ever forget, above all else, to know thyself. It’s a very important concept to remember. Know who you are and what you are capable of. I, for instance, know I am an atheist skeptic with a chip on my shoulder. I also have a natural skill in mathematics and I love Earl Grey tea and my cat when she’s not being a pain in the ass.

As part of this, it’s also important to continually try to learn new things about yourself. As they say: you never know until you try. I, for instance, recently discovered: I like coffee. I used to think I hated it. But that was probably because, back then, I was served shit coffee. Apparently, if it’s made right, I actually kinda like it. Funnily enough, I feel the same way about tea.

It is on this note that we begin this week’s episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Spike the dragon is a unique specimen. Like a man raised by wolves (I hear there are a few movies about that), he is fully absorbed in pony culture. So much so that he gets caught in a bit of an identity crisis. He’s a dragon, who doesn’t act like a dragon. So what exactly is he? Continue reading

Time and the Poni

Twilight is very very smart, yet crazy and stupid. What? You’re shocked!?

Turns out you can be smart and stupid at the same time. It may be hard to understand, but it’s true. You can have the entire Encyclopedia Britannica memorized, and still manage to fuck up every social encounter you make.

Twilight Sparkle is the epitome of this concept. Hell, it’s the premise of the whole series! Twilight Sparkle, genius, goes to Ponyville to learn basic social skills. Hell of a show!

Unfortunately, Twilight’s idiocy isn’t just limited to social interactions, but…well, basic logic and reasoning.

Thus, we are led into this week’s episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, where Twilight time travels. Continue reading

Derpy Shot First!

Okay, okay, okay. It turns out I’m prone to making mistakes. A month ago, I wrote about the Derpy controversy on My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, where Ponyville’s resident lazy-eyed pegasus, appeared to be getting retconned out of existence. In the end I determined that despite the fears of the fans, there probably wasn’t much to worry about.

Turns out I might have been wrong on that. Continue reading

Friendship is Canon

Last week, I mentioned how perplexing it was that Hasbro hasn’t released a White Celestia. A toy that has been requested by every member of the fan community since day one. I figured it was the same reason they haven’t released a DVD box set: A crippling fear of money and success. Turns out I’m wrong. You see, a few hours after I posted that, the news hit the community: They are releasing a white Celestia!

The background gang's all here!

WOOHOO!!! I’m excited! Not just for the Celestia, but for the rest of the gang: A glow-in-the-dark Zecora; DJ Pon-3; and Nightmare Moon, which I thought was a completely unique mould, until I noticed a Celestia that they probably based it off of. There’s also everyone favourite bitch: the Great and Powerful Trixie, and my personal favourite: Heartstrings…or Lyra, if you prefer. Continue reading

Love is a Poison

One of the biggest activities among major fan communities is “shipping.” That is, the pairing of two characters in a relationship. I remember back in the day, my first exposure to this was through Harry Potter. I loved the idea of Harry getting together with Hermione. It only made sense to me. So much so that I got pissed and stopped reading halfway through book six, because the idea of Hermione ending up with Ron sickened me.

Perhaps I got stuck in my own dogma. I’m just bothered by the fact that the supposed ‘smart girl’ ended up with the most incompetent character in the book. Seriously, what does Ron have going for him? He’s good at chess!? That’s hardly a practical skill.

Um…where was I? Oh, yes, shipping. Every fan community does it, to a certain extent, and of course the fans of My Little Pony are no different. Except for the fact that the show has a majority female cast, therefore most of the “shipping” is of a homosexual nature. Nothing wrong with that. Unless you’re a knee jerk religious fundamentalist, in which case, this kid had the right idea: Continue reading