Vote for Creepy Clones

Normally, I’m a very positive and upbeat person. Shut up! I am! But I can understand why people would assume otherwise. After all, virtually every post I write does nothing but throw shit at TV shows that I’m not even the target audience of.

But the only reason I do that is because most of the time, I genuinely enjoy these shows. My Little Pony and Littlest Pet Shop are great programs that simply don’t get enough credit. Or in the case of My Little Pony, get way too much credit by sycophantic nutjobs wanting to suck off the main cast, or insane fanboys who can’t stand change of any kind.

But because I genuinely enjoy these shows, whenever I see them falter, I feel the need to draw attention to it, so it doesn’t happen again. Because we can only fix problems that we’re aware of, and making us aware of problems is the exact niche criticism fills.

For instance, when I said the boss fights and the chopper scene in Human Revolution were fucking bottlenecking dogshit, it was done in the hopes that future game developers would read it and say: “Hey, maybe we shouldn’t build most of our game with the idea that any approach is possible, while having mandatory boss fights that are only passable in a very specific way that the player may not be used to.”

I believe criticism is an inherently optimistic activity, because it’s only useful if others are willing to change. And that idea does require a lot of faith in humanity, I must say. Only a cynic can see a film they don’t like, and respond with ‘oh, well, what are you gonna do? I guess they’ll always produce shit, not much I can do about that.”

I refuse to believe in such a worldview.

I think anyone can learn to be a better person. You can become a better writer, or a better performer, or a better scientist, or a better artist, you just have to know how.

But there is one area, where my optimism has started to die off. There is one category where I simply don’t believe anyone can evolve and change. At least, not anymore. And that category just happens to be political.

I’ve certainly tried to discuss politics several times over the years. Generally with the intention of finding common ground. But over time, I’ve noticed that people tend to get stuck in their ways, their opinions become dogma, and they often get outright offended when another person disagrees with them. And if it’s not that, they’re distracted over issues that don’t matter, or shouldn’t even be issues. I mean it wasn’t even that long ago when the United States Congress was seriously debating whether they should pay for the stuff they bought. Fuck me!

I don’t even think the real issues matter anymore. Elections have basically become popularity contests. I’ve seen them won and lost based not on the candidates’ intelligence, but on how pretty they look, and how suave they are. And almost as a consequence, I’ve also seen politicians make promises that are impossible to keep, because if you say you’ll do amazing things, that’s all that’s needed. You won’t even need to say how you’ll do it!

So, politics makes me jaded. I think that’s my point. But it manifests itself in strange ways. For instance, I love jokes on politics, because politics has become so laughable.

So with all that being said, you can understand my mindset when I say I think I’ve finally found the best episode of Littlest Pet Shop, where Blythe runs for public office. It’s the political episode! Woop woop!

But what would spur our resident superhuman into taking the political plunge? Apparently, water bottles.

That’s right, water bottles. The school just changed suppliers, and now the bottles are made of plastic with the tensile strength of tissue. Which annoys everyone in the school. Primarily because they burst open whenever someone looks at them funny. I’m guessing the water pressurized or something.

It’s not right! So the solution is obvious! Buy your own water bottle and fill it up at the tap! Or run for class president, that’ll work too. I honestly think my solution is better, because then, everyone will save money, and the new supplier will go out of business!

But as a driver of the plot, it works.

And honestly, she already has my vote. Someone as intelligent as her deserves it, I can tell you that.

Of course, she’s sure to win anyway, since she’s running unopposed, as Jasper so helpfully pointed out. I thought I told him to stay off-screen for a while.

But it turns out, she’s not running unopposed, since the Biskits are running against her… together. How does that work!? And why!?

I don’t mean ‘why are they running?’ They explain that. They just want to screw Blythe over. They’re running out of spite. Alright, I’ll buy that. They’ve always been pretty vindictive. But why are they running together?

Apparently, they’re allowed to do that because their lawyers found no rule saying twins can’t run together. I think I remember seeing this same reasoning before. It was in the movie Air Bud. And it was just as stupid then! Two people cannot be president at the same time! It just doesn’t work that way!

Why not have just one of them run for class president? Wouldn’t that make more sense? Put Brittany’s name on the ballot, and have Whittany manage the campaign. After all, Whittany is the smart one.

But no, both their names are on the ballot, because of reasons, and all this does is make the two of them look very creepy during their big musical number. I’m starting to think they have some type of shared hive mind.

The writers do know they’re two separate characters, right?

Anyway, the campaign kicks off. Blythe has Russell act as her campaign manager. Obviously in an unofficial capacity, I doubt many would take her seriously if they found out her campaign was managed by a hedgehog.

The Biskits make their first salvo by buying every student free ice cream. Oh, sorry, it’s gelato. I’ve never had gelato. Must find gelato!

Sorry, got distracted.

Now, of course this is against campaign rules, but since they haven’t filed their paperwork yet, everything’s kosher. But the impact is still made.

Blythe laments the fact that everyone seems to be more concerned about ice cream than real issues. Yep, that’s modern politics for ya. No one gives a shit about the real problems facing society, they instead concern themselves with paranoia and bullshit.

So Blythe has to plan a counter attack. Russell suggests making a speech at lunch when dessert is served, so the students make a subconscious link between Blythe and deliciousness.

But unfortunately, they weren’t serving delicousness that day.

Instead, they were serving disgustingness. Why? Because the Biskits paid them off.

Well, Blythe just lost my vote. No one that stupid deserves public office. Seriously, how could you mistake that shit for chocolate cake? It would be more clever if they replaced the sugar with salt or something. It would still look like cake, sorta, but it would taste disgusting. Once she saw that it wasn’t chocolate cake, she should’ve cancelled her speech for fuck sake!

Regardless, the problem was, Russell’s idea was too predictable, which allowed the Biskits to sabotage it. So it’s time for a new strategy, courtesy our resident moronic gecko. “You gotta fight Biskits with Biskits.”

Basically, he suggests she start thinking like they do. I don’t see how that would help. But it doesn’t matter because Blythe rejects the idea. Which is great. After all, thinking like them might cause brain damage.

So at the debate the next day, Blythe explains her platform, before being interrupted by the Biskits, which I’m surprised the moderator doesn’t stop.

Then the Biskits give their platform. They’re gonna add faux-fur to the insides of all lockers. …Why? They’re also gonna add a gossip column to the school newspaper. If the school newspaper is under the control of the student government, that’s fucked up. Having a state-run media is never a good thing.

At any rate, the students eat it up, so Blythe tries a new strategy. Vinnie’s strategy. Emulation! The crowd also eats it up. Which tells me that the students body is thick. Switching sides so quickly, and not even bothering to ask how they’re gonna make the gym uniforms 90% cuter. I think that’s an important issue right there!

So once Russell finds out Blythe started acting like a moronic valley girl, he doesn’t hesitate to voice his disapproval. But she doesn’t care. She’s earning votes out of it.

The next day.

BWAHAHAHAHA! Oh! That’s funnier than the snake named Steve! All she’s missing is the fringe covering one of her eyes! I love it!

But apparently, all her campaigning has worn out her throat. So just before her final speech, she runs off to grab a bottle of water. And her hunt culminates at the water delivery truck, when something very specific catches her eye. A simple label on the side of the truck.

Yes, apparently she found evidence that the shit water bottles that everyone hates were provided by the Biskit family. Well, they just lost votes.

And by the way, ‘non-biodegradable’? First of all: Why would you advertise that? Second: The flimsy, paper-thin water bottles are also made of non-biodegradable plastic? Who would manufacturer that!?

Fisher: This new plastic falls apart like tissue paper!
Engineer: Yeah, but don’t worry, it’s also bad for the environment.
Fisher: Oh, in that case, sold!

Seriously, this doesn’t make sense. Yes, there are pretty flimsy plastics out there, but that’s generally because they’re crafted to be environmentally friendly, or made from recycled products. It’s a trade-off. No one would craft a plastic that’s two kinds of shit with no upside.

I also can’t see Fisher Biskit actually making such a moronic decision. He doesn’t seem like the type.

So, with all that, Blythe obviously won the election, right? Well, no. It appears the majority of the students decided to cast protest votes by writing “Reboot Election” at the bottom of the ballot. And it turns out there was a recent foreign exchange student by that name, so he won by a landslide. I’m gonna assume he’s from Canada. I can definitely see a Canadian naming their kid, “Reboot”. We’re gangsta like that! After all, it was a great show.

And this entire plot thread was also great, and fun! But while all this is going on, what were the pets doing? Well, we were presented with a minor B-Plot, that sorta acted like pointless filler. A strange buzzing noise is echoing around the pet shop, and throughout the episode, it slowly grows louder and louder, driving all the pets to insanity.

We get some decent gags out of this, and it culminates with the revelation that it’s coming out of the goddamn walls!

GAME OVER, MAN! GAME OVER!

Turns out, it’s bees! And thankfully, Zoe’s able to inform Twombly without going through Blythe, who’s too busy with the main plot.

Of course that was only possible because honey started oozing from the wall.

So, Twombly begins to remove the hive, since she’s done beekeeping work before. Wow, this girl’s full of surprises.

We also get to meet the bees themselves.

Eh heh, that’s cute. Stupid, but cute. I wanna see that as a spin-off.

And with that resolved, the episode ends, with everything back to normal. And I gotta say, I loved it. This episode had a lot of great gags, and made some great points; specifically, people are stupid and they’re swayed by stupid fucking shit. And the running gag with the water bottles was fantastically well done, and it climaxed perfectly.

Even the B-Plot was interesting. On the surface, it seems pretty bland, like it’s just there for filler; and it is there for filler. But it’s good filler, done well. We don’t focus on it for too long, and it’s coupled with quite a few great gags.

So, yeah, overall, I loved it. Mainly because they made fun of stupid people! Keep it up, writers!

One response to “Vote for Creepy Clones

  1. I didn’t like this episode as much as you (low – tier material for me at best, due to the predictable and overdone plot / concept, IMHO. That, and those twins are idiots who are easily beaten for their stupidity as usual. Serves them right, just for that!)

    Most importantly, it was just sad seeing Blythe lower herself like that for those idiots – besides just being the typical “politics suck” episode I see everywhere.

    Regarding politics in general, IMHO: America needs a violent revolt eventually anyway, IMHO – we’re going to end up like the Hunger Games if we don’t… And that’s just my opinion on the sad state of politics.

    Good review, otherwise.

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